So pissed off with my sister

[BabyJanesBabySister]

NC, just in case.

I help out our parents a lot as there are currently some major health issues. I do hospital runs, keep dad company when mum is doing her volunteering, help out when he is a bit batshit crazy of a handful thanks to his drugs, pick up shopping, give lifts etc etc. Mum can't drive and dad isnt allowed to anymore so they would really struggle without lifts. Everyday I am in touch and see them almost everyday too. Sis works but even on her days off she rarely visits, and never helps with lifts or appointments. She doesnt have children and I do so its not like that is her excuse.

I long ago accepted that I will be the main carer especially as they age and things get worse. But I am so pissed off at her glory "caring". In a couple of months mum is due to have a major operation in a hospital over 200 miles away. I assumed that I would take them over and stay with dad while is in (about a week we think), and then bring them back. I assumed this because its me that normally does the running around.

Suddenly DSis has booked a week off work and is telling everyone with ears about how she is doing all this for them. She makes out like she is being so kind and caring when in fact, she only does things that look good. I have now been told that there is no need for me to make the journey to see mum, I may as well wait until she is home. Mum thinks that this is best as I do so much already and doesnt like putting me out, but I want to go!

Dsis is never there when something boring but important needs to be done, yet everyone thinks she is so kind and caring!

I know that it doesnt really matter, as long as Dad has someone with him so he can stay with mum, but FFS, I am so angry that I cant say or do anything without looking unreasonable. :(

Don't be angry; regard it as an opportunity for you to have a break and make plans to spend some of it visiting both of your dps while your dm is in hospital 200 miles away.

Maybe there's a spa hotel nearby you could check into for a couple of nights? Or maybe you could travel up the day before to collect your dps who, I have no doubt, will be glad to get away from your dsis's brand of caring back into their familiar surroundings/routine.

It might be worth posting this in Elderly Parents. You will probably find lots of people with similar experiences, or at the very least some sympathy! Good luck.

It occurs to me that if your dm is having her op at a NHS establishment, your dsis may find she's taken a week off work for nothing in the event that the op, as increasingly seems to happen these days, has to be cancelled and rescheduled for another date.

Let your dsis bask in her faux glory as displaying such vanity has a way of ending in tears.

Thanks.

I guess I am down because if I say something then I am being a bitch, if I go anyway then I know it will put my sisters back up and I dont want mum sensing an atmosphere and if I dont say anything then I just sit here steaming.

It just doesnt seem right, especially as I know who will be wiping arses in 20 years (fingers crossed) and it wont be bloody her will it?

Its unlikely to be cancelled as it is being done by a super douper specialist, the funding has had to be specially secured, its a very big deal. Thats the point though isnt it? I very much doubt that she would be bothered if it was a piles op!

My DM and her sister fell out over a similar sort of thing - when my DM was caring for my dying grandmother. It took them years to make up - they lost out on so much because of the fall out.

Rant here.

I would just grit my teeth and be effusive in the thanks - 'Dsis, thanks, I really appreciate it, it really gives me a break from doing the lion's share' sort of thing.