A wwyd situation

[Azz16]

I have been told by someone I'am close to that they are having an affair and they want to be with this person not their husband. I am also close to the husband (they are family members). The H has no idea of the affair and the W doesn't seem to be in any hurry to tell him as she heavily relies on him for work etc.

Since then photos have appeared on fb of the W and her OM sat holding hands, the H doesn't have fb so will not have seen these pics unless someone has told him or shown him. So far this doesn't appear to have happened so the H is still in the dark.

I really don't know what I should do, on one hand I think it's none of my business stay out. Then I think if my H was doing this to me and most of the people I came into contact with knew but nobody told me I would feel so betrayed and humiliated, so I should tell him? Bit of background, the marriage isn't particularly happy and both sides have expressed a desire to separate but have held back due to financial reasons. Though things have improved recently so I think the H is under the impression they are working on things.

I have thought about talking to her and telling her she has to tell her H, which is what I said when she first told me. I have tried to get in contact with her numerous times but I think she is avoiding me now I know. Thank you so much for reading all that! i hope I have explained the situation, I have tried to do it without any specifics which could identify those involved.

So basically wwyd?

You made your view clear to the adulterous party when she first told you about her affair, and she's now avoiding you because she knows she'll only hear more of the same from you.

As you're merely speculating that the dh is under the impression they're 'working on things', I would suggest you do nothing to disabuse him of this notion because if his cheating w is publcising her affair on FB and the like, someone will soon burst his bubble - if, in fact, he's in one.

I never think it's a good idea to get in the middle of a relationship problem. They seem to like playing it out in public e.g. telling you the secret, expressing a desire to separate in the past and posting pics on FB etc .... so, if you wade in, you might end up being a bit-player in their latest little drama and coming off worse as a result. I'd leave them to it quite honestly.

I think the W is being incredibly carelfree to post pics of her and OM on FB. In fact, one could even conjecture that she wants it all to kick off and that someone else will do her dirty work and the drama of the situation will make all the decision for her. Don't be the someone.

I think you're quite right. This other person is loading the metaphorical bullets in the chamber and wants the OP (and everyone they know on FB presumably ) to fire the gun.. Then, when they kiss and make up with their DH, the same people are ostracised for having interfered. Drama..

Thanks so much for your replies. Drama is certainly something the W seems to like in her life you are absolutely right. My DH has the opinion that she only told me so I would do her dirty work for her. I think I will leave well alone!

You don't say if the W is a friend or relative. If the former, I'd be re-evaluating the friendship. If the latter, then it's trickier.

I would be telling her that you aren't going to bubble her, but if someone who deserves honesty asks a direct question, you will not lie for her either.

The H is my relative and the W is through marriage. They both tend to call me when they have problems, which I find difficult but I know I'm to soft and don't tell them I can't keep hearing the same old shit. Which is why they continue to do it!

Then you're being used in a 'he said, she said' attention-seeking teenager by proxy sort of way and I would be really angry in your situation. So the gloves are off. Spill your guts about the affair but, at the same time, tell the H and the W that you're heartily pissed off at being their little messenger boy, it's their problem to deal with & it's absolutely the last time you want to hear from either of them on the subject of their private life.

You are so right, I have thought for a long time now this is what I need to do and the the way they treat me is not right. I just want to stay out of this and let them carry own with their own car crash relationship.

I think you need to tell him, as gently as you can. You, and probably he, will feel terrible when it does come out if he knew that you knew but kept it from him.

Better to come from you and kindly, than someone blurting it out with really bad timing when he doesn't have support.

If this was a relative of mine or a close friend, I would tell him because apart from hating anyone being made a mug of in public, people need to know a partner's shagging someone else to protect their sexual health. If this couple have got kids too, I'd desperately want to protect them from stumbling on something like this on Facebook and also having to face their friends who might have seen it too. But it's up to him what he does with the info and you should feel no guilt or expectation that things will be brought to a head. Just tell and withdraw.

Go with your instincts and in any future conversations you have with either/both of them make it clear you're happy to chat about anything except their relationship.