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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do I get on so well with everybody and what should I do?

4 replies

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 18/02/2013 14:19

I'm quite shy, but people seem to like talking to me. I presume it's because I'm happy to listen to them chatting and am always sympathetic about problems because I know if I had to talk to people rather than them talking to me I'd find it harder, so I don't want to put them off iyswim. I do end up being told about relationship problems and fallings out quite a lot though Hmm

About a year ago I joined a group where there aren't many new people and we haven't really stuck together. I may as well tell you, it's partnered dancing, so the others have joined in with the friendship groups their partners are in. My partner doesn't really do the social side like I do (much longer hours than me, so he leaves straight after classes/practice while I'll hang around and go for a drink or something to eat afterwards) so I've 'gone it alone' a bit, talked to everybody and made quite good friends with some.

What I didn't realise at first is the group is massively clique-y. I've chatted to people from all the different groups and have found most to be very nice and they all seem to like me. But they don't get on.

I hear the same story from all different sides, and to be honest I'm finding it exhausting and a bit silly. We're all grown-ups for heaven's sake!

It does worry me though. Am I so nondescript they just miss out on the fact I talk to everybody else? And if they realise this, will they regret having spoken to me in the past and told me (some of them) some quite personal things?

I don't want to end up with nobody speaking to me because I've tried to be on good terms with everybody before! But, I also don't really want to join a clique and have half the people not talk to me because of that.

I did try standing up for one person I'm friendly with when I thought the others were being unnecessarily bitchy about him, but it hasn't made any difference either way. They still seem to like me and dislike him Confused

I'm probably being too cautious because I don't want to burn my boats. The people I'm most friendly with are a couple (dance and relationship-wise) but I know I can't just hang around with them all the time because I feel quite a third wheel and I'm sure they don't want me there all the time either!

Do I just need to accept that in becoming more friendly with some, I'll have to become less friendly with others?

OP posts:
izzyizin · 18/02/2013 14:58

The problem with making yourself available as a repository for the likes/dislikes/jealousies of many who interact in the same group is that, sooner or later, they'll turn on you.

Why hang around for all this shit? Why not simply leave with your dp after every class and look elsewhere for grown-ups to socialise with?

Cailinsalach · 18/02/2013 15:07

I agree with Izzy, I think they will turn on you in time, or may even be doing it behind your back right now.

Keep your distance(emotional) from these people, it may become unpleasant.

Adversecamber · 18/02/2013 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 18/02/2013 15:40

Yes, that's what I'm worried about Sad

Sorry, I wasn't clear. When I said partner, he's my dance partner, I'm single which in a way does make it harder. Nobody for me to go home to or anything.

I thought it would be a good way of making new friends/widening my social circle (I tend to see at least some of them 4 or 5 nights a week at various classes, practice sessions and social dances) since I moved here but it isn't working terribly well. I feel like it's at least partly me, it's never been a problem before because I don't tend to know the people that are being complained about!

Is there any way I could salvage it do you think? I feel like I've made a bit of a mess of the whole thing.

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