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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So first counselling session today and

5 replies

Mosman · 18/02/2013 09:16

The jist of it was she said there's nothing wrong with me, nothing that she can see is a real problem in our relationship beyond the usual stresses and strains of daily life with children, which are not insignificant but certainly not the root cause of our issues.
The long and the short of it was HE is the problem and until he can overcome his problems no chance of change.
So right now he doing all the right things, sheepishly stepping away from the internet, I have taken his phone so he only has a work one that he would be sacked if he used for anything but business - not to say he couldn't text and call though if he was of a mind but he can't join dating sites etc.
She said these were all good moves.
However - he did all this before. In 2009 I thought he was shagging somebody on his MBA course, barking up the wrong tree with that one but I knew something didn't feel right and of course by then he'd already had sex with TRAMP1. So when the opportunity presented himself with TRAMP2, muggins here thinks I know the password to his google account, his phone is clear because he's deleted everything the minute it hits the screen, so basically he's just getting better at hiding it isn't he ?
He would never have told me had he not been caught out.
Why am I going to counselling ???

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/02/2013 10:09

Misplaced optimism? Misplaced faith in human nature and second chances? The belief that you have to 'try' in a marriage/partnership... possibly 'for the kids'? Low self-esteem? Refusal to stop flogging a dead horse? Fear of being alone? Fear of family disapproval over a split? Ignorance of your rights in the event of a divorce?

Yes he's getting better at hiding it. He knows he just has to lie low and behave himself and he'll get away with it. Not still living with you is he?

AnyFucker · 18/02/2013 10:34

Why are you going to counselling ?

I hope it's to help you examine the misplaced idea that you owe him yet more chances and to assist in creating a split that is as amicable as possible

I certainly can't think of any other reasons

You are not considering joint relationship counselling are you ?

fatfingers · 18/02/2013 10:36

Did he suggest counselling or did you? Did you go together?

You can go to all the counselling you like but the issue is that you can't trust him. You can't monitor him 24/7, he is getting better at hiding things anyway. It sounds like he views it as a game of cat and mouse tbh.

Mosman · 18/02/2013 11:32

He is going so that he can be "fixed"
I am refusing counselling after today's chat that I had with the lady on the basis that whilst she didn't say there's no bloody hope for him, that's how I felt at the end of the call.

OP posts:
Mosman · 18/02/2013 11:33

He is still living here, he literally has nowhere to go and if he lost his job I would be in Australia, no visa, no right to public funds with 4 kids and no airfare home. I need his money lol

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