Should you tell someone they have hurt you even if you are never going to see them again?

[wotsoccurring]

I feel really hurt and stupid about this but I met a guy online six months ago after breaking up with my husband after 16 years. He was the very first guy I spoke to online and the first I met up with and everything went so well at first I thought it was fate!

He actively pursued me and seemed so keen. He sent me a good morning text every day for six months. In the early weeks he would text all day and evening, hundreds of texts. It gradually became clear we were not going to make a relationship out of it and it became casual (sexual) which he knew I didn't want.

Every time I backed off or tried to end it he pursued me even more. He told me he loved me and we would be friends forever, we had such a bond, etc. I just thought he wasn't great at relationships but I kept holding out for more even though it was doing my head in. I trusted him and thought he genuinely had feelings for me.

When I read/heard about other people's bad experiences of online dating I thought they were unlucky or cynical. I have been very naive. I finally ended it properly last week as I had no more headspace for it all. I was doing well.

However he suddenly told me by text that he had been in a long term (5 year) relationship all along. He had blatantly lied about this and told me he was single. Obviously he had set all this up in a calculated and manipulative way and and I fell for it.

I pretended I wasn't bothered as it was all over anyway. But the more I think about it the more I can't believe it. Where was the poor unsuspecting gf when he was texting day and night? Why has he told me now? (I think he intended to hurt me.) I would love to tell him what I really think. Should I?

No.
A reaction from you is what he wants, like you say what he said was intended to hurt you.
Dont give him the satisfaction and forget him. Chalk it up to experience.
You can do alot better!

no he just wants a reaction, he is lashing out
there might not even be a girlfriend, next he'll be telling you you were bad in bed or something!

don't tell him. He is a tosser. Now you know the facts, you shouldn't even like this guy or give anytime of day. His poor girlfriend!

Smellysocks is prob right and the "girlfriend" doesnt even exist.

I knew someone like that once ... complete fantasist who turned nasty after he was very politely told to take a hike.

give him any time of day*

Thanks. I agree with you. It's just as the days have gone on I have felt more angry and hurt.

Write a very long letter to him and tell him exactly how you feel.... But don't send it. Gets it all out and very cathartic.

Bloke here.

Nasty man, as others have said. Lashing out, after perceived rejection. Waste not a second of your time on this loser. He is a liar, and a bit of a baby. You sound nice. Move on, find someone worthy of you.

A couple of you have used the word 'nasty' which is amazing because I thought he was the most friendly, likeable, genuine person ever. Well at least I can say I have learnt from this experience. I hope it doesn't make me mistrust people in the future,

I am posting on here to stop myself from texting him. What is wrong with me? I am missing being bombarded with texts. I veer from wanting to ask questions about why on earth he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend, to just wanting to say hi, to still hanging onto the vain hope that he misses me and can't live without me and that he is dying to tell me. I reckon if I can last another two weeks I will be fine.

Delete his number and and any messages anywhere, remove the temptation completely.

He WAS the most friendly, likeable, genuine person?. all the time he felt in control. It was a smokescreen to blind you to who he actually is.

Now he's not in control and you're seeing the other side to his character. I bet there isn't a GF at all but you should take this as a BIG RED FLAG that he is trying to hurt you. If you'd stayed together much longer he'd have hurt you any way.

Well done for getting shot. And go no contact even if he ups the ante. He might turn on the charm and try to hook you back in and if he does, ignore and post here.

Please, please don't have any contact with this man. If you need contact with nice people just keep messaging here. As others have said he's just trying to get a rise out of you and hurt you. He's a nasty control arse. Delete all his texts. Don't keep them and read them. Sounds like he got you at your most vulnerable. Keep your head held high and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's hurt you. You will find someone worthwhile. Good luck.

Aim for the two weeks and I imagine, as you say, that you will feel stronger then. As has been said, write angry letters but keep them don't send them. There is nothing wrong with you, just with him. You got burned but it's true that not all men are like this. It's worth trying again when you are ready.

Hi Wots, imagine your best friend told you this. What would you think of the guy? What would you say to your friend? Would you encourage her to communicate with him or cut contact completely? However you look at this, wether you imagine he's making it up or telling the truth he's not what you're looking for.

I think it was a rebound for you and we are much more vulnerable just after a break up and more likely to think less critically than we normally do. With that in mind I would just determine to take things slower emotionally when getting to know people bearing in mind that it takes time to for someone's character to show. On a practical level get busy with something youve been putting off for a while. Move your furniture around and paint a few walls, it'll keep your head and hands busy.

God, he must have seen me coming. Anyway, Thanks guys, that has helped me get through the evening without being tempted to text and I am back on track. Now all I need is to get him out of my head which I will hopefully achieve gradually day by day.

God I hope that didn't sound patronising Wots with regards to the decorating what I mean is to just throw yourself into something and that was the first thing I thought of seeing as I've been neck deep in paint and polyfilla all week.

try this