Help! How to bring this up with H? Horrible dodgy site on internet history..

[ThatsNotMySock]

Feel a bit sick. Made this thread earlier on,

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1686732-Quick-Facebook-related-Q

Something prompted me a look at his browser history (I know I know I feel horrible about it, and wish I hadn't) 99% is absolutely normal everyday things, and I was feeling like a total shit for looking, then came across a site that was... just horrible. I don't want to go into too much detail in case he finds this thread, it was not exactly porn but related and very shocking.

Further digging revealed he had clicked on a link from another site (a kind of reader for blogs, but subject matter a bit unusual/a bit of v light porn/odd stories etc) The title of the link made it very very clear what he would see and he still clicked it.

I can't imagine what he was thinking. He rarely uses porn (or rarely leaves it for me to find) and this seems totally out of character.

I have no idea how to approach it with him. He will be angry if he knows I have looked, and if I bring it up. But I can't pretend I didn't see this. If if was just "regular" porn (ick, hate saying that) I was be pissed off but probably leave it. This.. I don't know what to do. Sorry not to be more precise, he knows I use this site so trying to be a bit careful.

How can I raise this? Should I raise it, or leave it despite the subject matter? Atm, I have left the offending (offensive, actually) pages open on pc for him to see if he looks, but he's sleeping on and off upstairs. He may be down soon and I have no idea what to do Please help!

Dials I have no experience with a Mac, I've had a quick look and the best info I can find is -

Open terminal (I have no clue how it looks nor how to do)
Type the following -
dscacheutil -cachedump -entries Host

or

lookupd -cachedump -entries Host

Apparently it will only show info from the last day and not like windows, which will show since the computer was last switched off.

Sock the book I mentioned yesterday is the Verbally abusive relationship- how to recognise it and how to respond, by Patricia Evans. You will recognise some of his tricks in it (some wont fit him) but crucially it will explain what is actually going on with him when he shuts you down and exactly how to put a stop to it .

The foreword of the book says every older teenage girl should read it, and I agree.

It worked fairly well for me, as it enabled me to stop tying myself up in knots trying to explain myself in different ways, when he was just trying to get me to STFU.

Ah ok thanks, was just asking for a friend obviously

dondon Thank you! It's strangely reassuring to know I can use that info if I have to.

five "tying myself up in knots trying to explain myself in different ways, when he was just trying to get me to STFU" This is every, every fight we have ever had I ordered the Patricia Evans book as soon as I read that sentence. I've also checked out some links on verbal abuse and there's a lot there that looks familiar.

He actually apologised properly last night, we've worked out between us that what he looked at was horrible and misguided, he really regrets it and thinks a lot less of himself. I've told him that while I believe him about that, I am so exhausted of being insulted, told to shut up, ignored, walked out on etc every time he's angry or I raise something he doesn't want to think about. He's not often angry btw, but when he is it's always the same pattern. He doesn't know why he does it, but wants to change. I did a bit of research and passed him the bonus material from "Should I stay or should I go", as some of it seemed pretty appropriate. Hopefully it will make sense to him, and help him stop doing this.

I just feel a bit switched off at the moment, and not sure what I want.
Thanks for listening everyone, you have all calmed me down and given me some good perspectives x