helping 19 year old cope with father's girlfriend

[Joy5]

Has anyone any experience of helping a 19 year old cope with his Dad's gf? He has aspergers which doesn't help.
Was his birthday yesterday, he didn't even get a card off his Dad, even though he came to collect his younger brother for football.
Spent this afternoon with his Dad playing golf, then went for a meal and his Dad's gf turned up too. We've know about the gf for a year now, but hes only met her a couple of times, now hes so upset he couldn't spend time with just his Dad today. Hes struggled since his Dad moved out 18 months ago, sometimes going nearly 2 months without seeing him, he very nearly didn't see his Dad today, but i persuaded him to go, then hes had the gf forced on him. i just don't know what to say to him to make him feel better. Hes struggled so much with his dad not living here, not to even get a card yesterday was hard enough, having to sit through a meal with a stranger there has just hit him so hard.

This is where you need to take control and get in touch with your ex. He needs to be asked directly what kind of world he thinks he's living where he doesn't get his son a birthday present. Ask him directly what he got his g/f for her birthday. (He won't reply to this one.) Ask him what his g/f would say if he didn't even give her a card.

Tell him how much his son is struggling. Tell him that he loves his dad and needs to see him alone, because he struggles with the g/f being there. Tell him he should apologise for his birthday, bring a present for him (tell him what to bring) and he should arrange to see him every week at the same time. I assume routine is important to your son, so tell your ex to pick a time of the week that he can always commit to and stick to it.

God this makes me mad!

Ex takes absolutely no notice of anything i might say. Won't respond to texts or emails from me.
Routine is paramount, but ex makes absolutely no allowances for it. Youngest son likes football as does ex, so that takes priority. 19 year old has to fit in around football commitments, which is why ex took youngest son to match yesterday and ignored the birthday.
Makes me so mad too, but refuse to show it in front of sons.