Sleeping apart - should I be mad at DH?

[2babies]

I've changed my nickname, as I believe DH knows what my usual nick name is. I'm going to type this really fast, as I have just a few minutes before I will have to feed DS. Since DS was born just a few weeks ago, I recommended that DH sleep in our spare room so he could get some sleep. DS was waking every hour for a feed, but now is waking every 2-3 hours. I asked DH if he wants to come back to bed with us, but he has refused. This morning when I went down to wake him to give DD her cereal while I breastfed DS, I found that he had locked the door to the spare room. He immediately came to the door and was helpful with DD, but I noticed that he had his computer in the spare room. I also noticed that he had consumed a number of bottles of beer, which I found in the rubbish - a regular activity for him. DD saw that we were sleeping in separate rooms. It didn't seem to bother her, although I'm wondering if it's a bad thing for our relationship for us to be sleeping in separate rooms for so long. I'm also wondering if it's a bad thing for DD to see that we are sleeping apart. I am also suspicious that DH has been exploring porn websites, etc. on the computer - while he's been locked up in the spare room. Why else would he lock the door? I find this really odd, but haven't confronted him. I know that he does explore porn on the computer, but when I told him that it bothered me, he just said that it was my problem. When we got married, I threw out all the pornographic videos that he had because I didn't want them in the house. He said that he would end up just pulling up the sites on his computer. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but it has been bothering me lately, as I am suffering a bit from PND and am extremely self-conscious about my post-baby weight gain. Sorry so long. Would appreciate any advice. In any case, needed to just rant a bit.

My dh and i had seperate rooms for about 4 - 6 weeks after ds3

I dont care what people think - sleep was ata premium and he ahd to drive to work every day

also I cold watch tv as I fed ds3.

Is it he porn or the bedroom arrangements?

thanks for responding so quickly, coddy. I think it's really both that bother me, but maybe it's the porn that bothers me more, as I am the one who originally suggested that we sleep apart. I know there have been loads of threads on DHs and porn and how it's not really a reflection of Dhs attitude towards me, but it's really hard not to let it get to me. I also recently found out that DH had had dinner with one of his ex-girlfriends when he was on a business trip - we had a row about this before DS was born. It's all just making me really insecure, as I think DH is just staying in this marriage because he doesn't believe in divorce - I don't think he's attracted to me any more.

me and dh sleep in seperate rooms since dd born 3 months ago... miss sharing a bed but dh is a light sleeper (with many other worries to keep him awake at the mo) and since i am breastfeeding theres no need for him to be woken in the night too... and dd is a good baby a night... only wakes once and no noise. i do miss sharing a bed but until life is more settled for us sleeping apart seems sensible. it would be the porn and drinking that would bother me

I think it's the whole 'secrecy' thing that would probably bother me the most. Why lock the door unless he was trying to hide something?

I think I would also be annoyed that he was living like a single man (own room, drinking beer in his room, going out for dinner with an ex) while I was the one doing all the childcare etc. The fact that you even posted this thread suggests that you ARE annoyed about this.

I don't think the actual sleeping in separate rooms would affect your daughter but she might pick up on dh acting differently and you resenting him for it.

I hope things get better for you soon. xxx

2babies - can't comment on the porno bit, but suffice it to say DD1 is now 5 and sleeping with DH, DD2 is now 4 and still sleeping with me. That's despite having their room repainted pink (on their request), buying enormously expensive bunk beds (on their request) and everything else they've requested and tried. That ours are so much older and we still haven't worked out a solution, I hope might make you feel a bit better.

xxxCarla

DH and I have slept apart at different points in our marriage, usually because of illness, or when DH was recovering from a painful operation.Some of these periods have been quite long ie, when I broke my arm and ankle, but we have always been very pleased to get back together when the injured party felt well enough.

I know I wouldn't like it if he did not want to come back !!!
As for the possibility of him looking at porn, I agree he is being secretive, but perhaps it's because of your previous rection to his vidios, and to be honest, if it were me in your position, with so little sleep, I think I'd be greatful he was doing that, rather than bothering me for sex !!:0
I doubt whether it's anything serious, I think he's just coping out of his responsibility in his "Den", and your perhaps feeling a bit over sensative at the moment(understandably).

I think I'd just have a chat with him and let him know how much you miss him in your bed.

pleased to read about you Carla as dh & I are still in different rooms 3.5 yrs down the line. Trouble is you get very used to it, I have the double bed to myself & it's lovely if a bit lonely. I don't know how we are ever going to get used to each other again, but that's another matter...
The secrecy/porn would certainly upset me, trouble is men can be so dismissive of our feelings & insecurities. sorry no help.

Carla and Eowyn,
boy am I glad to read that other people are in a similar situation to me ... dd is nearly 3 and sleeps with me while dh sleeps in the spare room downstairs. Whilst I would like dd to sleep in her own bed and no amount of bribery or cajoling seems to be working, I sleep really lightly and can't face the thought of being kept awake half the night by his snoring, nicking the duvet and general hogging of two thirds of the bed.
I'm afraid I can't really be of any help to you 2babies - have you asked outright why he needs to lock the door? I do sympathise with you on the PND front - I have been there myself and I know that I couldn't have faced any kind of confrontation while I was feeling so low, but having said that you deserve better.
Good luck and thinking of you .. CM