How can you tell if your husband is having an affair?

[charlotte300]

I recently posted my husband having an affair 4 months ago.

Is it normal to feel so upset when just a little thing my husband is doing:-

1 being distant
2 being vague
3 showing signs of betrayal
4 not really caring about my feelings 100%
5 not telling the whole story

I am unsure if I trust him anymore and I want to so much - but cannot

Is there anyone who is in a similar situation of doubt ?

I can link you to my previous thread so you know the whole story

thanks

I'm a dad of 4 with a wife who has serious health problems and have signed up for this forum because I have nowhere else I feel I can get support for the tough time we're having at the moment. Recently I became aware she was having an 'emotional affair' (emails and texts to. A work colleague, it had already got to the point they were telling each other they loved each other). I've worked full time and carried the family for years and you can imagine I was very upset to find that despite this she still felt that she needed to see someone else. Her justification was that I neglected her- the way I see it is that I had become a robot, working, essentially a single father in terms of the practicalities of bringing the children up, and being a carer for my wife. She would get me to get long lists of stuff she needed in town to keep me out long enough. Its truly horrible to think of the betrayal.

After finding out I wasn't sure if we could go on but she pleaded that she has finished with him and wants to make a go of it with me. However she has been distant since and I'd be lying if I said I believed her fully that this is the case. We're in a bit of a state of limbo, and she puts her apathy down to needing to 'get better' before dealing with our relationship.

Apologies for the long winded response-i didn't want to hijack your thread and had considered writing my own to ask people for advice, but your problem seems similar to mine. I don't know how to tell about affairs - I just 'knew' something was happening. At the moment I'm really just trying to make myself trust her because the alternative is a life of constant emotional pain. I guess first of all you have to weigh up the situation to work out whether it is worth it at all. The family I had worked to build for years is my justification for giving it another try. If it comes to the point where the day to day worry and lack of trust is too much for you and your partner it might be time to quit. I hated having to analyse everything my partner did or said to work out if she was lying. Its no kind of existence having to worry like that when your attention needs to be on your kids, job and the other stuff in your life.

I hope you manage to work things out and be happy

Charlotte - I haven't read your prev thread but all those things would make me upset yes. & they would make me revaluate our marriage as he it sounds as if he is emotionally distancing himself from you. Listen to your instincts & your gut feelings.

skaboy - Are you happy? Do you love her? Why not start your own thread so I don't hijack this one :)

Thanks onetiredmummy I'll do just that!