Previously in my life, I was FeelingLousyAgain...

[FeelingSurprisinglyCalm]

I was FeelingLousyAgain, and this was me.

So, the update is this: just after all that I posted, h said he definitely wanted to split. I also sacked the counsellor, who wrote and said that she was surprised that we wanted to stop the counselling as she 'felt we were making progress'. H has temporarily moved back in, with the full intention of moving out for good at Easter. He is sure we should split. Through various methods of cunning, we've managed to keep it from the dc as yet, and h wants us to tell them at Easter, by which time he'll have a house to move into.

Friends say that I'm being all very calm about all of this. H and I sat and had dinner wit the dc this evening, and chatted politely. It's so hard, though. I feel as though I've one absolutely everything I can to honour, and keep my marriage, but in the end it just wasn't enough. H and I have talked a bit about money, the dc etc., and agreed that the dc will live with me. It all feels so weird, like there's been a death in the family. A wise friend told me the other week that I am bereaved, so it's not surprising that I'm feeling so crap / fragile / unable to cope with too many people. But I am feeling surprisingly calm too. I'm also starting to realise a whole load of stuff about my marriage that was very far from okay. I'm thinking that I'll need more counselling, but can't face it right now, esp after the disastrous counselling experience with h.

Anyway, I thought I'd update as you vipers were so incredibly kind and supportive. I know I've barely even started to process all of this properly, and I'm only just starting to think of a future. But I am, genuinely, also feeling surprisingly calm...

You do sound very calm - and that you've handled it really well. It will benefit your DCs enormously if you can stay civil - and you never know, you may yet end up with a friendship out of it (I did with my Ex - we're still good mates, years later).

The counselling sounds like a really good idea - the end of a marriage is very sad; regardless of how much you know it's the right thing to do, it's still the ending of a huge part of your life.

Thanks Hassled. Yes, I so don't want to hurt the dc any more than is inevitable. They (dd esp) love their dad to bits, and I don't think they even vaguely suspect anything is wrong. I am really dreading telling them.

I hope that h and I can end up as friends; in his 'it's all over' speech, he said that he thought he would be a better friend to me than he's been a husband. I hope he's right!

My ex certainly has been - he was always a nice man and a good father, but a shit husband. Once I accepted that, it was easy to move on. We're both remarried - all 4 of us meet up socially etc. It's a relationship I really value - I do hope you get there too.

Thank you. Not quite there yet. It's good to hear that you're in a new relationship and have stayed friendly with you ex. That is what I want (the staying friendly, not necc the new relationship! Too much crap to sort out from this one first!)

I have just reminded myself of your last thread. You are feeling calm because you are getting rid of this whining sack of shit and will no longer have to tailor your own and the DCs every move to keeping Whinyarse happy so he doesn't cry or have a tantrum or fuck things up.

:) SGB.

No wonder your FeelingSurprisinglyCalm.. you are getting rid of a shit load of stress and unpleasantness from your life.
Onward and upwards--here's to better times ahead