the prodical father returns...what to do

[LiloLils]

Hiya

Just wondered if anyone else has been through this. What did you do and how did it turn out?

I'll try to keep this short. I'm a 32 year old woman who has recently had a baby. I'm very happy with life as it is now.

My father has been absent most of my life. He was violent and emotionally abusive to my mum before she decided to get rid. He moved abroad and I've only seen him a handful of times since. Last I say him was 1999. He has done some abominable things to my mum and sister before I was born and when I was little. I largely missed all of this as I was so small but I remember seeing him beat my mum.

Amway he is back and he says he is dying. He wants to meet.

I am very angry with him and I'm quite an angry person generally...and I think this is cos of my dad. Would meeting him help me put this all to rest? I do know that he is unlikely to admit to his wrong doings. I'm not sure if meeting him will help or not.

If anyone has had any similar experiences, please share. Or just if you have any advice or views I'd really appreciate any feedback to help me come to a decision.

Thanks

X

Same happened to me alcoholic dad contacted me and my brother saying he was dying.

He did so much wrong in our young years and had no real contact with him for my life would turn up every few years etc

But we did go see him in hospital and he was supposed to have months but actually only had weeks
I never forgave him or talked about the past just was there at the end
Hope he appreciated it and when he passed was not reall sad as he was never dad to me but felt bette that I did it as now have no regrets

As I see it, whether or not your f is dying is irrelevant and I suggest you meet with him to see whether doing so enables you to resolve some of the anger which conflicts you to this day.

It won't be so much as an exercise in making your peace with him as making peace with yourself because being an 'angry person generally' can take it's toll, not only of the angry person but those who have to live with them.

If, after meeting with him, you find that at least some of your anger does not dissipate, I would urge you to seek counselling in order to lay some of your ghosts to rest and be able to take a more chilled view of those things which spur you to needless anger.

Thanks for the replies.

I met with him yesterday. It was mostly lighthearted. Towards the end me the meet, just as I was beginning to lay into him about his wrong doings, his son, my half brother, turned up. I'd never met him before. He's a really lovely young man. We had a joke about him saving his dad from my tirade. All in all I'm so glad I met him. He's still self obsessed but that's just his personality, which isn't going to change. If we meet again, I'll make sure I get time alone with him so we can properly go through some shit.

But I feel better about things already.