I need help/perspective.
VERRRRRRRRY long
Trying to cut this as short as I can.
Boyfriend, 37, finally got a job after being unemployed for 4 years - in a call centre which he hates, but I was very proud of him.
Our relationship seemed to get better after that - for 18 months before he got a job I was effectively paying for everything - all food/drink, meals out etc. Also had to give him money to help him pay his rent and arrears for Virgin bill and electricity. I even topped up his phone and bought him cigarettes, wine. He had his own flat but it was a right mess so he was always at mine. He then he lost his flat - landlord didn't like state of it, did it up and then gave him his notice.
Whole way thru relationship my boyfriend was extremely paranoid I was cheating on him. He was cheated on in the past by an ex girlfriend and he would go mental when any man would send me a text on my phone. Now, some of these guys I'd seen, previously, who texted to say "how's you?". Most were just friends (no relationship history).
I never encouraged any contact or sought any, but would reply to be polite. One night, when he still had his own flat, I had went to tesco after work and when I got in he'd disappeared. He'd went to pub and got very drunk, then came back and accused me of having an affair. Things got very horrid very quickly and he was calling me terrible names like whore, slut, I disgusted him, he despised me etc etc etc. Hours of this. Shouting and screaming at me. I got desperate and asked that he leave - he refused saying only way he'd go was if I got police. So I did get them, he immediately said I was a psycho etc etc.
We eventually started talking again after he said he couldnt go on without me and apologising profusely. Sometimes with a drink in him he'd be abusive verbally again, but he'd claim to not remember it next day. He screamed at me once in a restaurant as my phone got a text. He had me in tears in the street and then refused to give me my own keys, meaning I'd to go to my parents 30 miles away. They got involved and helped me get him to leave in the morning. (I'm ashamed)
Cue lots of "I am going to kill myself without you" and the like. Slowly, I let my guard down like an idiot, again. Then he lost his flat.
I agreed to let him stay with me in the short term til he saved a deposit for another flat. He didn't pay anything excepting twice when he gave me £40 towards bills.
The next time he got so abusive; again with a drink in him, I immediately told him to go, I was scared of a repeat performance. I'd been out with my girlfriends and when I got in I said something flippant. Can't remember exactly but it was light hearted and meant to be fun. He started ranting again. He then screamed at me "you won't like what Ive done now" - he'd tweeted my friends that he blamed them for my attitude. Truthfully, he wasnt even mentioned, but he was so intent on "putting them straight". No insistence from me could reassure him.
I'm ashamed to admit this - he refused to go, telling me I should F off, why should he have to leave, he'd done nothing wrong! After hours of being called a whore and all sorts and threatening the police I eventually pulled at his hoodie and tried to drag him to the door. He was holding on and refusing to move and grabbed my arms. He sat at the door and told me he wasnt leaving. I kicked his leg twice, I wasnt wearing any shoes. Not a hard kick, more a tap, but I did do it.
Since that time he has more or less been threatening me with him being a victim of domestic abuse. I felt at the time I should involve the police and admit it, but he wouldnt let me. I was the one bruised from him grabbing me, but I started it, I tried to get him out.
So things weren't great. Next time I was out with my friends I got a text from a guy saying he'd been let down and had a spare ticket for a gig. I mentioned this to the boyfriend when I got home - more about asking if he'd mind if i went to the gig, and he flipped. Same evening he also found a sock in his drawer that wasn't his - turns out his mum had gave him them last time he stayed with her but he'd forgotten. I was accused of having men in and being a whore, again.
He pushed me and threatened me and wrestled my mobile off me. He called the guy in question and threatened to "hunt him down and slaughter him". I again said I was going to call the police. He told me to go ahead as he was the victim. 2 hours of door slamming and name calling til 2 am. I actually recorded some of the things he was screaming. (ashamed). Next thing was he came into the bedroom with a kitchen knife and held me by the throat. Threatened to kill me if I didnt give him my phone. I didnt think he would kill me but I was scared he'd cut me, he was very drunk. He let me got after about 10 minutes. I left. I was so scared to involve police as I work in NHS and was scared I'd be convicted. The next day my parents came with me as he refused to leave my house saying he'd nowhere else to go. Eventually we got him out.
He's now my ex, after a whole lot of other stuff as well. His mum knows about the knife incident but asked me to let him stay as she'd be too stressed if he came home. :( I know he's now moved back in there, but I've had emails and texts saying I've caused him and his mum to be ill, with the stress. His mum had a stroke last year and he says I'm the cause of it. I know it;s not true, but he's pushing my buttons and I feel guilt, all the time.
3 weeks ago when my pal (female) was staying he turned up on my street constantly texting that he knew I'd a man with me. I eventually showed him my girlfriend standing at the window. Hours later he came back after drinking and refused to go, said he'd no money and I should give him my tent to stay in as I'd made him homeless. Hours later and he then got in my hall. We called the police that night. They kept asking me if he'd ever been abusive and I said no, terrified he'd report me. They gave him a warning and took him away.
Anyway, I've been trying to work on me.
Since then I've been getting myself together and realising it wasn't all my fault. Unfortunately, in the last few days he read my twitter feed when I'd said something about how I'd had yet another email calling me bipolar and insane, and I would have been mad to stay with someone who I took in and gave money to. No names mentioned but clearly about him.
He emailed me saying it was slander and defamation of character and then emailed my close friends saying I was slanderous and a liar. He also emailed me that I have til 10pm tonight to make a public apology or I wont like his "next trick". My friends know what he's done. I'm terrified what he'll do next. I have ignored him for ages but I eventually mailed him that I have recordings of him calling me names and threatening to kill the guy who texted about the gig.
He's insistent I tell everyone I'm a liar.
If I involve the police, I'll lose my job. Like I say, I pulled his hoodie, him, to get him out that night.
Half my friends say report him, half say just ignore.
He's trying to take everything from me. I just don't know what to do
Help?!