DH doesnt think of me it that way any more.

[cheeseyfeet]

DH and I have been together for 14 years now, married for almost 6 with 2 DD's aged 4 and 2.

Ive noticed it over time but its really playing on my mind now.
I know Dh loves me but im pretty sure he doesnt think of me in a physical way anymore. In fact any kind of contact is very rare. I may get the occasional peck on the cheek but thats it. Sex is a rarity and only if I initiate it.
I know we are both busy, get tired etc but everyone else seems to have a much healthier physical relationship than us.
Anyone else's relationship like this?

Im not expecting him to be all over me but it just seems that since the DC that ive become less attractive to him. :(
I know ive put on about a stone since the girls and things arent as perk as they used to be but im trying to loose the extra weight and tone up in the hope that it will help.

Anyone any advice tips on how to get DH to remember me as me before the kids and not just a Mum?

First thing to consider is whether his sexual interest could have moved elsewhere.

Second is to look at communication between the two of you. With very small children, it's all to easy to fall into only talking about them and domestic admin. Are you still really talking to each other, about each other and your lives, hoes, dreams and fears?

It won't be anything to do with the stone and/or how you look. Have you turned into a housekeeper/ his mother? Make sure you have outside interests and friends and that will make you more attractive (difficult, mind, with small DC).

Also: How about date night every Thursday. You both make an effort and go out somewhere child free -the cinema, dinner, a romantic walk (in the SUmmer), the pub with friends, a lecture...whatever.

"Anyone any advice tips on how to get DH to remember me as me before the kids and not just a Mum? "

Yes. Stop thinking this has anything to do with you, your body or some other imagined failing on your part. If he is rejecting you physically and has withdrawn affection then it is entirely his problem and you need to call him out on it, expressing how miserable you are, rather than meekly accepting the situation. No-one's that tired or that busy... Demand his attention or demand to know why he's switched off. And I'm sorry, but quite often the first thing to die when a man is getting his sexual needs met elsewhere is the love-life.... clicheed but there you have it.

How is he generally? Happy/sad/depressed/stressed?

Cogito- Im not concerned about him having an affair at all. There wouldnt be time for a start! He finishes work early so that he is home to see the girls before bed so is in by about 6pm most days. - That includes and hours commute from London.

Meditrina- Communication is a good point. We do mostly just talk about our day, which generally just means what the girls have been doing/ what toddler group we went to today.

Undercover- A date night sounds lovely but we have no family nearby to babysit. I babysit swap with a friend but thats only once every 3 or so months.
Its nice to have dinners out together and we do enjoy the few hours out together but again the physical side lacks.

Hes generally happy and not stressed etc.
I think its stuck in my mind more lately since spending more time with my friend and her husband as couples. We spent New year with them and they openly snuggled together on the sofa where we sat next to each other but not touching. They happily hold hands when out etc too. I cant remember the last time we held hands.
I know DH isnt one for being overly affectionate in public and I shouldn't really compare as every relationship is different.

I know he loves me and does tell me but sometime abit of affection would be nice too.

We usually all eat together but ive decided to nip out and get some bits for a romantic dinner for two tonight once the girls have gone to bed.

So just jump on him!

"There wouldnt be time for a start! "

Please don't be naive. There are many other ways to get sexual needs met without actually meeting up with someone. Internet chat-rooms, porn sites, accessible via computers or smart-phones for example. Even people who work full-time and appear to have every minute accounted for can find ways to slip out at lunchtime for a knee-trembler

A marriage without affection is miserable. Don't keep quiet, make allowances or blame yourself. Speak up.

Cognito- Im very sure he's not having an affair or getting pleasure by any other means.

We had a lovely dinner and chat last night. Without me saying anything DH said he recognised id been neglected abit lately and apologised. We agreed to make more effort to have time together as just us and 3 bottles of wine later! lead to some long awaited intimacy.
Hopefully it wasnt just the drink talking and things do continue to improve.
Either that or stock up on the wine!! :)

I'm glad things are going a bit better for you OP. this can unfortunately happen in marriages, it did with mine, and through some communication and taking time out, we've managed to be stronger than ever. It gets exhausting and depressing having 2 kids with you all the time, and seeing other girls who look supposedly younger or prettier etc, but it's all about making the small efforts with eachother and staying in shape for eachother. Things can and will improve, keep going with it