Help me calm down and deal with DP's behaviour rationally

[angrytree]

DP is an NQT and finds his job very difficult emotionally. He works 50+ hours a week, and is permanently stressed. Today he's being observed by the head, so is understandably worried about that too. I'm 41+3 pregnant.

DP sleeps in DS's room (long story), his choice. DS is 3 and wakes up at any time from 5am onwards. DP would be getting up around 6am given the choice. DP is also permanently knackered, which probably isn't going to improve much after I give birth!

This morning DS woke early and was making a lot of noise. DP eventually sent him in to my room, crying. 15 mins later DS and I were snuggling, but DS was talking at the top of his voice whilst I tried to get him to quiet down. DP marches in, starts shouting at DS for being noisy in the mornings. When I tried to get him to calm down he shouts at me, then marches off. A few minutes later he comes back and hauls DS off to his own room 'to think about what he's done' (he's 3, ffs), then has a go at me for interfering when he's disciplining DS (er, hypocritical much? I was dealing with DS when he barged in shouting).

I tried to point out that since he's angry and I'm upset it's not a good time to discuss it, but he keeps ranting, getting me more upset, and he eventually storms off to work, shouting 'I'm furious' and 'I'm in the right', leaving me in tears.

It sounds so trivial, and something that we should be able to write off once we've both calmed down, but stuff like this happens ALL THE FECKING TIME and I'm bloody sick of it. I know DP is stressed and tired, and I do my best to make allowances and be supportive, but I've had it with him taking it out on me and DS. If it carries on much longer, our relationship is not going to last. When he behaves like this I feel like I can't bear to have him as my birth partner.

Have I done something wrong here that I'm oblivious to? Assuming not, when he is being a complete prick totally unreasonable like this, how can I rise above it and deal with it calmly? I'm at the end of my tether!

I actually think your H is being vile, he is punishing a child for being a naturally early waker and talking like a child. You child is going to end up also walking on egg shells in case he does something to make daddy fly off the handle. That is awful for anyone let alone a 3 year old child.

Like someone else asks is he going to scream at the baby and shove it in another room when ever it wakes?

You need to spell it out clearly that he is damaging his son and your marriage and that he needs to seek methods of anger management or stress control.

It is unacceptable for him to bring it home and treat anyone like this.

Good luck for tomorrow angrytree. I hope it all goes well for you, please come back and let us know all about your new baby x

angrytree not sure if this will help you but I have always had an early waking DD who would wake at 5am, and my DP who works about 80 hours a week (self-employed work a holic!). My DP gets up at 7am, and DD used to come and wake us up at 5am so I would get up and go in the lounge with her and watch childrens tv with her quietly on the sofa with a duvet until 7am. Now she is 3 and I am pregnant again I am fed up of getting up at 5am so when she comes in I tell her it is still night time until the alarm goes off at 7am, she can even come in bed with us or go back to her own bed. For the first week she laid next to us and talked and fidgeted but I just ignored her. After about a week she started to go back to sleep next to us until the alarm went off at 7am! She also visits us in the night about 50% of the time so I just let her climb in with us and she sleeps until the alarm goes off at 7am, it is a bit squashed, but its nice for all 3 of us to have time together, and it stops my DP being disturbed as he works such long hours.

And good luck for the new baby tomorrow! x

I think your DP needs to speak to management at work and get some strategies to reduce his workload and stress.

I think you need to sit dumb and discuss what is acceptable behaviour fir a three year old who has just woken up and wants to play. I would suggest your husband sleeps with you in your room and DS is sent back to his room to play until it's time to get up.

I think you both have a lot in your plates and he needs to take steps to reduce the impact of his work on you lot at home. Friends with stressful jobs cope by exercising and learning to defend their family time, to make it as happy and positive as possible. Otherwise what are you doing thus for?