In danger of overreacting and ruining everything?

[OpheliaB]

Hi everyone, any help and advice would me much appreciated as I think I've gone down the wrong track! My partner recently told me he will occasionally look at porn videos (very soft and inoffensive) when I'm not around. He's told me he does this kind of as a practical thing and that it's not necessarily something he enjoys or does often. At first I was fine with this but became quite upset after finding searches for various bikini clad women on our shared computer. I ended up crying and arguing with him and eventually he promised he'd stop doing these searches or watching any videos. However I discovered he had watched a video like this only a few days ago. I don't know if I'm mad about what has happened or just about the lie. Is this totally normal and am I just overreacting? Friends tell me I should be grateful because he doesn't look at other women when we're together and he's not watching anything particularly racy, just really quite innocent stuff but I find it quite disrespectful. Any advice?! In danger of seriously winding me up as it makes me feel very insecure even though he is lovely, treats me like a princess and promises there isn't much to it.

I'm sure it's the lie that you're more upset about than the looking at pictures of women in bikinis per se. It sounds like, if he'd been more private/discreet about it and you hadn't found the searches, you'd still be fine with it. I think you need to make it clear, therefore, that you are annoyed at the dishonesty, that it makes you feel uncomfortable. and then find a middle ground that you can both live with. Probably going back to privacy and discretion, I'd suggest.