classic- i don't love you anymore

[alltheworldsastage]

1 month off giving birth, to our 3rd child.

it wasn't completely out of the blue; i asked him.

being a lurker on the relationship boards it screams affair. But when I told him to fuck off then, he back tracked.

Did i not exhibit the typical response?

or was it a genuine wobble?

Well if it is an affair then I would say that "I dont love you anymore" is his way of justifying it, but he doesnt actually want to leave shown by the back tracking. Whether that is because he cant move in with OW (perhaps she is also married), or because he wants both his comfy marriage and his exciting shag, only he knows.

Without proof of an affair you cant know for sure. But what you do know is what he told you, so you need to decide whether you can live with someone who says he doesnt love you and presumably hasnt been treating you very well if you asked the question.

YOU need to decide whether you are kicking him out, not him deciding if he is going to stay, remember that.

I have told him that I will let him go. If he doesn't love me, then I don't want him.

I asked if there was someone else, but he said 'no, not at all'. Which strikes me as an odd answer. But then, what would be a 'good' answer?

I suppose what i'm looking for, is for someone to tell me, that not every 'i don't love you anymore' is a pre-requisite to an affair.

It isnt no, but its rare that a man will leave without someone else to go to. And do you want to be married to someone who doesnt love you, thats the main issue?

Affair or not, he has said this.

Yes, he has said it. At a really vulnerable time for me, which makes him a twunt. But he admitted later that he knew he didn't mean it as the words left his mouth.

I've looked directly at him in the last 6 months and asked myself whether I love him or not, and I answered no in my head. I genuinely thought I didn't but we seem to have come through it in the last 2 months and we are starting to rekindle what we lost before dc's and I've come to the conclusion that I was numb to him through anger and resentment.

It still plays on my mind though, that he might have been cheating or at least thinking about it.

I'm not getting 'affair' just from what you've written. If, as I understand it, things have been bad for a while and then you've asked him 'do you love me?'... and got the answer 'no'... then that might simply be an honest response in the same way you've been asking yourself the same question and reaching the same conclusion. It's a pretty bad situation where you actually have to ask - and it sounds like it's being played out more in sorrow than in anger.

There are usually other red flags such as being distant, withdrawing from family life, provoking petty arguments, grumpiness, possessiveness with mobile/laptop etc.

What made you ask him that question?