Childish Schoolgirl Crush

[childishcrush]

When I was around 14 I developed a massive crush on the lead singer of a relatively unknown rock band, me and my friend used to buy a magazine that featured this band and I had posters of him up all over my room, I thought about him 24/7 and I even went as far as to phone his record company pretending to be his sister just to speak to him (which I did but he wasnt very impressed!). At the age of 14 this isnt too abnormal right?

Thing is I assumed I would grow out of it but by the age of 19 I was still obsessed with him to the point where my ex actually banned his bands albums from the house. For a while after having my second child however I did forget about him a little, although the 'interest' was still there I didnt think about him hardly and stopped going out of my way to listen to his music etc.

Im 25 now and the "obsession" has returned, its ridiculous, I know it is and I darnt admit it to anyone because of how stupid and childish it makes me look but I'm wondering what on earth is wrong with me, Ive always had pretty bad luck with relationships and was sexually abused as a child and maybe I see this bloke as my 'ideal' and so focus on him rather than have to face the realtity of my 'real' crap relationships?

Please tell me I'm not cracking up

You arent cracking up. I think everyone has someone they used to have a major crush on and now again the feelings come back especially when we feel things arent turning out how we planned them. When i split with ds1's dad i developed a crush on a very good friend, he was a great support to me. I had known him years and even though he was a typical lad ie out on the pull every night, during that time i saw a different side of him. It was possible to imagine us being together and being happy. Despite us getting very close nothing came of it and we havent seen or spoken to each other in over 5yrs and yet when things go wrong i find myself fantasising about what may have been. I imagine him coming back into my life and 'rescuing' me. I always feel stupid afterwards. I love my dh and my boys and would never leave them but my fantasies allow me to escape from the real world for a while.

And if it makes you feel any better i recently discovered a famous crush of mine had got married and i felt a pang of jealousy. Stupid i know, afterall i had never met him and even if i had i doubt he would have looked twice but the feeling of betrayal was still there. I guess deep down i was still that 14yr old laying in bed looking up at his posters dreaming of the day he would fall in love with me (anything seems possible when you are young)

absolutely agree, was/still am a take that fan am really major gutted that i cant see them in concert, at the time couldnt afford to buy the tickets everytime they come on the radio/news even mumsnet i cant look as i really wanted to go spent hours in my room as ateenager dreaming and meeting them and robbie or mark would fall in love with me and id have their babies, so it really pains me to hear of evryone going and not me

I'm guessing and I'm no psycologist and I'm not sure I have words to describe this properly but.....

If you are cruising along and life could be better and something amazing comes along and overwhelms you with happiness you 'tag' it in the brain. It could be anything a person, a material thing, a piece of music, drugs, clothing, flowers etc. Then you have programmed the brain to find solace in that thing, your brain remembers that when you weren't feeling so good 'that' thing made you feel better for a while. Its then associated forever as being the thing you need, your fix. I'm not sure how you un-programme it but sometimes just recognising thats what it is, is enough to see it differently. HTH.