can you ever get it back?

[2anddone]

Dh and I have been together 16 years we got married in 2006 and have 2dc. Before our wedding I discovered that he had been on internet chat rooms for people looking for sex. Ds was 10 months old and our wedding only a month away. It was a big family wedding with everyone having lots of input so I didn't ask him just kept quiet and married him. Three months later I found an email from someone saying how they were looking forward to seeing him and having him inside them again.
I asked him about it and he admitted he had slept with someone he met off the internet while I was on my hen do and mum had ds.
I told him yo get out but within the week had taken him back because of ds. I then had dd. Things have never really been the same between us and we will go months without sex. I went to London 3 years ago and when I came back I found an email he had sent asking if there were any available. When I googled the address it was for an escort. I asked him about it and again he worked his way back round and back home.
As far as I am aware he hasn't done it again I check his emai when he is at work, though he has 2 accounts I don't know the password to. I don't get a chance to check his phone as he never leaves it lying around. I don't trust him but want to try to make it work. I am scared because he is out Friday night and it could happen again. We never go anywhere just us, can we ever get our relationship back?

Well, I'm sorry to say it like this-but get what back? He sounds like a horrible, unrepentant cheat who has messed with your head for years. You say you want to make it work, ok, it would only work if he was prepared to completely change his habits and become a different person. Do you really think he could do that?

I'm very sorry that you have had to deal with this, and it sounds as though you feel you have to accept it. I would've cut his bollocks off with a rusty knife.

PeppermintPasty I think the main reason I want it to work is I grew up without a dad and don't want the same for my dc. Both of our dads left and we never saw them again and I worry it would happen to my dc

You've given him two chances, you know he blew the first and every sign shows he's blown the second one too.

I think this is time for you to take stock of what you really want in you life, and whether he can actually play any role in it.

Also, think about what life would be like without him: both the practicalities of where you live and how you support DCs, but also what you could do without a burden of mistrust eating away at your self-confidence.

Sorry to ask, but do you get regular STI checks?

But they will understand, or come to understand when they are older. How old are they now?

The thing is, you've been with him a long time. Was it always like this? Have you ever been able to trust him? He sounds to me like a serial adulterer, and he has never been forced to face up to the consequences. That is not your fault, the shame is all his. You deserve happiness, your children deserve happiness and contentment in their home, and to see their mother happy would go a long way towards that.

Have you got real life support? And would you think about going to see a solicitor to see where you stand?

Would you be prepared to throw him out and mean it?

Oh Jesus, he sounds vile. Why would you want to salvage any kind of relationship with a shit like that? you and your dcs deserve better.

Get rid ASAP.

an email from someone saying how they were looking forward to seeing him and having him inside them again

Sorry but... how can you be recounting this in such a blase way? You might as well have been saying 'looking forward to seeing him and having a coffee with him' !

OP don't remain deluded about this. You shouldn't have married him because he wasn't committed to you even then. Predictably, he cheated more and will continue to do so because he knows you'll take him back. In other words, when looks at you, he sees 'doormat'.

Lots and lots and lots of women on these boards are bringing up children on their own and doing a damn fine job. Don't let the fact that you grew up without a father fool you into thinking a cheating twunt is any good replacement for one. Stay with him and your children will grow up seeing how a relationship should NOT be (and will follow that pattern themselves). Is that what you want for them?

What you should be doing now is dumping his ass and concentrating on being the best mum you can be. Your children will thank you for it.

Astonished you married him, quite honestly.

Astonished you took him back after discovering he'd been with an escort, quite honestly.

I have absolutely no idea why you would want to stay with this person and by doing so you're basically telling him he can continue this behaviour. It is NEVER a good thing to do, to stay in a crap relationship "for the sake of the kids". They will pick up that you aren't happy.

Seriously, get out now or kick him out. To do anything else is foolish.