Seem to have developed a bit of a thing for my friend's husband. What to do?

[Almostbetter]

That's it really.

I'm happily married, have no interest in having an affair. However, there is definitely 'something' I can't quite put my finger on.

We get on very well, always have a lot to talk about.

At what point is it inappropriate and at what point will it go away!

It would be odd if I suddenly stopped seeing them. Best outcome is that I will just get over it.

Surely I can't be the only person this has happened to.

What do you do? Do nothing. You know nothing can happen so put these thoughts out of your mind. Don't avoid them as a couple but avoid getting into long chats with him. Focus on your own dp.

No, you wouldn't be the first

There are strategies you can use to make sure nothing ever comes of it though. Or that you end up looking like a fool, which is probably the most likely outcome.

Stop seeing him immediately.

Read some of the threads in Relationships about how extra-devastating it is when the OW is someone you thought was a friend.

Good intentions count for nothing, and lack of interest in having an affair is not a permanent condition.

Spare yourself heartache, and read Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends asap.

no! you arent the only person this has happened to! just try and take a little step back, never mention it to anyone in rl and just get on with your happy marriage - i am very happily married and the thought of actually having sex with anyone other than my dh turns my stomach, dosent mean i cant see a nice man for what he is though!

And what might those strategies be AF?

I already make sure I'm never alone with him, or have any conversations I wouldn't be happy DH overhearing.

It's a fantasy crush because it'll never happen when you're happily married. Imagine if he came onto you, would you be mortified or tempted for more?

Keep it inside your brain and don't act upon it, It'll go away at some point.

for gods sake dont drink too much round him, that could be a recipe for disaster!

I'd be mortified to be honest.

There you go then. It sounds like you know what would be inappropriate so you just need to ride it out. You would have to be made of stone to never find someone else attractive. If you find yourself dwelling on it, and fantasising about how it might be then you need to have a word with yourself.

Thank you.

I shall indeed 'have a word' and not think about it again.

I think I was more nervous that it meant something must be terribly wrong with my marriage that I hadn't noticed.

Gosh, no, I don't think that. That way madness lies. People do some very silly things when they are under the mistaken illusion that just because they fancy someone else, or respond to flattery from elsewhere, that there must be something very wrong with their primary relationship.

I think that finding someone attractive is a normal social convention when youre getting to know someone, it doesn't necessarily mean you want to act on it. Flirting is normal too, babies "flirt" it's just part of getting to know someone too, you send out signals that you like someone, doesn't mean you want to shag them.

it will pass if you dont act on it-next time you feel a bit like that toward him imagine his skiddy pants, or bogies or ear hair. try to notice the normal unattractive part of him.

On the other hand, as you can't quite put your finger on "something" don't exclude the possibility that something is up. It could be as simple as an unacknowledged realisation that you are talking more to this other man than to DH. That would need attention.

It's worth trying to work it out now, whilst your intentions are good.

People suffer from inappropriate sexual attractions all the time - it's part of the human condition, unfortunately.

Every time you think of him, remind yourself of his faults. Particularly focus on faults your DH doesn't have.

Happens all the time!

As you are happily married in all likelihood "it" will vanish as quickly as it arrived. Like Mooncup said - part of the human condition.

Have a conversation with your friends about annoying habits your dh's have. He probably won't be so sexy once you know he likes to pick his nose and eat it and regularly farts in his sleep!

This has all been very reassuring thank you!

His DW does talk about his faults constantly. She also continually comments how I would be much more suitable for him than her.

On reflection, she is not helping.

Erm,, you are not being groomed for a 3 way, are you ?

Oh god I hope not (adopts Helena Bonham Carter style fluster)

no good can come of it