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Original poster

Have developed a crush on someone and feel ridiculous

14 replies

sillycrush · 11/02/2013 20:45

It is someone I see not quite daily but a lot of, they are 8 years younger than me. My crush on him is in no way reciprocated and I am absolutely certain he has no inkling of it. I have the best ever poker face. I am married with 2 dc. I feel like this crush is taking up more than it should in terms of headspace and trawling FB etc. I have silly fantasies about situations that might arise where he suddenly reveals he fancies me. The thing is I am not quite sure why I have a crush on him - when I first met him I thought he was a loud-mouthed show off whereas I am a pretty introverted quiet type. It makes no sense! I would like some strategies to cope with it if anyone can offer any? Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
sillycrush · 11/02/2013 20:56

Anyone? Please?

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 11/02/2013 20:57

I am rather prone to crushes, so I will watch the answers with interest.
Does the young man have any positive qualities to recommend him, that might be meaningful to you in some way? Or is it more of a physical thing?

SPsFanjoHasABlingingVajazzle · 11/02/2013 20:58

I have a crush on a man who lives near me. I wont act on it as I know reality is shit compared to fantasy Grin

It will pass

claudedebussy · 11/02/2013 20:59

daydream away. there's no way he'll measure up to your fantasies and you'll get bored pretty darned quickly anyway. no harm done, no-one will ever know what goes on in your head.

claudedebussy · 11/02/2013 21:00

let me quickly say that in no way ACT on anything Grin but a little imagination goes a long way and the reality will soon pall.

Original poster
sillycrush · 11/02/2013 21:07

I can't really say what it is that keeps the crush going! I'm quite attracted physically to him but I can see faults Blush which is a cheek considering my age to his relative youth! He is very very confident and I'm a bit lacking in confidence, so it might be that as well - a sort of admiration maybe. I find myself behaving like a teenage boy (!) around him - i.e sarcastic humour, ribbing him a lot and then I feel like I might be giving myself away and sort of withdraw. Jeez, he must think I'm deranged! So I should just let it run its course then basically? It feels like it's getting worse at the moment!

OP posts:
ILoveBagels · 11/02/2013 21:11

oh god i have one of these too and i wish it would eff off! it's exhausting! plus the object of my desire is 16 years older than me, really nerdy and not even attractive (apart from the intelligence..). i sent a pic of him to my bestfriend and she laughed so much she peed...!

ILoveBagels · 11/02/2013 21:14

oh god. i do the piss taking, friendly banter thing too...

Original poster
sillycrush · 11/02/2013 21:24

oh dear Bagels - we are socially inept together...! I just want it to GO AWAY so I can behave like a normal human being again!

I bet the object of your crush would be very happy/flattered if they knew, whereas mine Sad

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 11/02/2013 21:32

Ok, I don't know if this idea will help you, but it has helped me before. To take back control of your headspace, each time you think about him, think about what made you think about him. eg, boredom, loneliness, pissed off with DH playing on his laptop etc. I found that often there was actually a trigger, rather than just random thought. Noticing what the trigger is might help you feel more in control of your headspace. And the thinking about what triggered will in itself distract you from thinking about him. Obviously this doesn't work if you see him a lot.

ILoveBagels · 11/02/2013 21:42

i think he probably does know - and that makes me cringe all over again! although in my fantasies i would love something to happen - i know full well in reality it will be shite and awkward and probably yeuch too.

i think i'm just addicted to the intense feelings. i do kind of believe crushes occur when you are feeling vulnerable in another relationship in your life. i've just broken up with my DP so i am thinking this is how my psyche is dealing with the pain, by providing a cushion.

majesticwhine - i sometimes use a visualisation where when i feel my headspace reaching out towards thoughts of him, i use a pair of scissors to chop off the connection. i find it quite effective at times.

Original poster
sillycrush · 11/02/2013 21:51

Useful thanks! It is related to boredom I think. And the visualisation of scissors is great too Grin. It's definitely worse when I'm not actually around him. When I'm with him I don't actually feel like I have a crush on him (although I still find myself taking the piss, being sarky etc). Things are a little stale with dh too so I'm sure that's contributing. Need to make more effort there.

OP posts:
greencolorpack · 11/02/2013 21:56

I had this til recently and then I saw the guy out of his usual work context and he suddenly struck me as so ordinary, dull and unmagical that my crush disappeared!

Nothing wrong with a crush if it makes life less boring and you know you won't act on it (even if he was naked, oiled and begging for it. I will just shut up now.)

MajesticWhine · 11/02/2013 22:05

OP, out of interest, is your DH lacking in confidence which the crush guy has in spades?

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