Or is DH - re co-sleeping?

[NightmareWalking]

DD doesn't spend a whole night in her cot any more (she used to). Between 1am and 3am she wakes up for comfort (not food or anything else) and I bring her into bed with DH & I.

DH is very against this and says I need to start making her sleep the whole night in her cot, rocking her back to sleep in the dark and so on, apparently we're making a rod for our backs, especially as he wants her to go into her own room soon.

DH does no nights with DD and hasn't since she was 6 weeks old (he could - we mix feed DD).

DD is 5 months old.

Me, I reckon as it's me dealing with nights I should just carry on what is easiest for DD & I, & I'm not fussed if DD goes into her own room next month or in five months although I think I'd prefer her to stay close to me longer.

Who is being U, please?!

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Oh, love. How horrible.

Please, please phone the police now. And then ring your mum, because I bet you need to hear her voice. Don't worry about 'worrying them' - if it was your DD, as an adult, and this had happened to her, wouldn't you want her to turn to you immediately, no matter what?

I have a huge lump in my throat reading this. Oh, please do leave today. Because if you don't, he will know that this is alright, and it will continue, and fuck, I don't even want to think about how your life will be from now on with this vile man.

I'm so sorry for you that this is happening. None of it is your fault.

[harassedandherbug]

Sorry I haven't read all the thread, but got the general gist and YANBU.

What I wanted to do though was recommend a book and website called The Wonder Weeks. Dc4 is 13mths and I'm having a hell of a time with him (and bloody lazy dh), and this was recommended to me. I wish I'd found it sooner! It may not make the sleep any better but at least you can recognise why.

HTH.

[lottiegarbanzo]

I think I somtimes read these things and offer very general advice if any, because at the back of my mind is 'I've no idea what their normality is, telling her to leave, or do anything dramatic is not helpful if she's clearly not going to do that and really needs a coping strategy'. The flip-side is that assumption that your normal may be 'less normal' than mine is patronising and minimising.

If this was my DP I'd have called the police straight away. I'd either have taken dd out in the car while he slept, to create a safe distance and limit his running away options, or stayed downstairs, near the door, with the lights on, in case I was threatened again and needed to get outside and attract attention.

I'd have seen this as an attack by 'an unknown violent person' not by 'my DP' because 'my DP' does not behave that way and, if he did, he would not be my DP.

[Flisspaps]

harrassed this is no longer a co-sleeping issue

[lottiegarbanzo]

and I'd definitely want him out. I would not allow someone violent and unpredictable to stay in the house with dd.

[MinnieBar]

OP please call the police NOW. This is assault. You need to protect yourself and your DD.

[harassedandherbug]

Huge apologies, was reading quickly whilst trying to settle ds.

Op, you need to leave. Or he does. Phone the police now and log it, then you won't be left panicking and waiting when this happens again. I say when, because ime (15yrs with abusive xh) it's only a matter of time. The signs are there: you're doubting yourself and he's blaming you. You need to get out of this relationship for you and dd.

[ZebraOwl]

Oh Nightmare, I'm so sorry.

As other posters have advised, definitely call the police & explain what's happened - including that he's still here, you don't have somewhere safe to go to & you are worried about what he will do when he wakes up. Maybe ring 101 to report but be ready to call 999 if his behaviour on waking indicates you need immediate police presence.

The West Midlands Police Domestic Abuse section of their website has information about people you can contact locally as well as nationally. Please PLEASE get in touch with one (or more!) of those support services as well as notifying the police. The Domestic Abuse Unit are obviously well-placed to put you in touch with appropriate agencies, but doing so yourself now might help you feel more in charge of things/more able to cope & also reinforce the fact that this IS serious; it DOES matter; & - however your husband might try to twist things - he assaulted you & threatened your child & you & your DD need to be protected from him.

Please let us know how you are when you have the time to do so.

[whitby36]

Op. I have been reading this whilst dealing with my 5 month old. I really hope you are safe op and please keep us updated.x

[kinkyfuckery]

Oh you poor love. This thread has certainly taken a turn for the worst, hasn't it?

You must phone/visit the police and register the attack, even if you choose to do nothing else about it for the moment. We are here to hold your hand x

[KatieMiddleton]

Yes, please call the police now. Do this for your daughter and for you. Take back control.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

Really hope you are safe, OP. Echoing others when I say please contact the police and women's aid.

[NopeStillNothing]

Really hope you've called the police OP. His actions this morning suggest that he will outright refuse to accept the gravity of this.

[NightmareWalking]

As I thought, he's saying he didn't put his hands around my throat, only 'the back of my neck' and didn't try to punch me but tried to smack me in the face with my own hand (as if that makes it any better). And all because i'm emotionally abusive (read: I stick up for myself).

I've left the house and about to call police. Please h

[NightmareWalking]

Old my hands through this (sorry got cut off before!)

[MinnieBar]

We're here OP. You're doing the right thing. Stay strong.

[KatieMiddleton]

You are doing brilliantly. Regardless of the history you have to deal with now. The facts are he has threatened your child and tried to physically hurt you. He needs to go.

You will get through this but for now follow the process.

[KatieMiddleton]

Follow the process and don't try to rationalise or explain his actions. Just take responsibility for your actions.

[MurderOfGoths]

Thinking of you

[5madthings]

Omg op. You are doing the right thing, well done for being so strong, holding hands and thinking of you xxx

[NightmareWalking]

Right. I called 101 and asked for it to be logged and theyve said they need to send officers out to take a statement as it happened in front of DD. Does anyone know timescales for this - can I ask that they come after hes left for eg?

[KatieMiddleton]

Well done you. The police will know how to respond whether he's there or not.

As a pp said, you will probably find his mother sides with him. When it comes to family, fairness and rationality often go out the window because people do not want to believe it. If this happens it is no reflection on you what so ever.

[Downandoutnumbered]

We're here, supporting you. Don't let him minimise what happened. Thinking of you.

[harassedandherbug]

It doesn't sound like you're the emotionally abusive one .

I'm sure if you ask, then the police will do their best. They don't want to put you in harms way x