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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

Or is DH - re co-sleeping?

202 replies

NightmareWalking · 11/02/2013 17:39

DD doesn't spend a whole night in her cot any more (she used to). Between 1am and 3am she wakes up for comfort (not food or anything else) and I bring her into bed with DH & I.

DH is very against this and says I need to start making her sleep the whole night in her cot, rocking her back to sleep in the dark and so on, apparently we're making a rod for our backs, especially as he wants her to go into her own room soon.

DH does no nights with DD and hasn't since she was 6 weeks old (he could - we mix feed DD).

DD is 5 months old.

Me, I reckon as it's me dealing with nights I should just carry on what is easiest for DD & I, & I'm not fussed if DD goes into her own room next month or in five months although I think I'd prefer her to stay close to me longer.

Who is being U, please?!

OP posts:

Report

BrittaPerry · 16/02/2013 03:10

He can always o into his own room at six months...

Leave you and baby o cuddle :-)

BrittaPerry · 16/02/2013 03:11

Bloody hell, I didn't see page 2. Sorry.

BrittaPerry · 16/02/2013 03:14

What a twat. This is not ok. If he wakes again, please call 999.

leelteloo · 16/02/2013 03:14

And just for the record going in her own room isn't going to make her magically sleep through just means you will have to get up to bloody settle her. My dd didn't sleep through till she was 3 and was up screaming 3, 4, 5 times a night. I tried everything and in the end she grew out of it. Co sleeping or not, so babies/children do not sleep through, no matter what you try.

NightmareWalking · 16/02/2013 03:16

Thanks for being there tonight ladies

OP posts:

KatieMiddleton · 16/02/2013 03:17

I'd be calling the police too. You have done nothing to deserve that reaction. He needs to go so you can be safe.

leelteloo · 16/02/2013 03:18

Hope dd settles soon Nightmare. Ds is snoozing now do I better get some zzzz. Do not let him excuse his way out of this in the morning. There are NO excuses for how he has treated you and dd tonight. Try and sleep.

FairPhyllis · 16/02/2013 03:20

Nightmare, I am still around for a few more hours (different time zone) and will keep checking in on this thread. I think you know you need to call the police though - you said above that there's a risk of you minimising things in the daylight.

AgentZigzag · 16/02/2013 03:21

You take care of yourself NW.

I'm sending some sleep vibes to your DD so you can get some much needed kip.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 16/02/2013 03:44

I do hope you and your DD have manged to get to sleep, and that you are both safe. Please call the police, if only to get it on record.

If your DH had only had a moment of lose of self control, totally out of character and a one-off, he would have been truly ashamed of his behaviour, and apologetic. Instead he has tried turning it round to blame you! You are NOT responsible for his actions. It was entirely his choice to use violence, he could have chosen to walk away, shout into a pillow, slam a door, but he decided to attack you while you were holding his child. :(

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/02/2013 03:56

Just thinking that "rod for your own back" school of thought is very annoying isn't it ?

I ignored it and went more for the attachment parenting, co-sleeping style !

Babies need their Mums, they were happier and so was I !

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/02/2013 04:03

Sorry OP - should have read thread before posting. Thinking of you tonight and praying you have a peaceful night x

Ineedacoffee · 16/02/2013 04:06

Do your parents drive? Could they come and pick you up? You cannot stay where you don't feel you a your daughter are not safe. I don't have any experience with this but if you are still awake can you call the non emergency police number to log the incident and get advice? My other idea is womens aid. Sorry am on my phone also feeding do can't look for number. You are scared in your own bedroom with your baby. There is nothing he can say that can make this ok. I'm sorry I can't think of any other advice. You need to get you and your dd out of there.
I wish you rest tonight and strength in the morning. Where in the country are you?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 16/02/2013 04:17

Personally I'd aim to get through the night safely, hopefully all get some sleep, and take action such as getting to your parents with DD in the morning.
Sending peaceful sleepy good wishes to you and DD for the night x

NightmareWalking · 16/02/2013 04:20

DD finally asleep. I'm going to try to sleep too for strength. Dparents are elderly and I don't want to make them worry.

I'm in birmingham.

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 16/02/2013 04:51

Good that you've written down what happened here, so you have a record from the time if he tries to convince you things happened differently.

If he is not extremely apologetic, shaken and looking for ways to ensure he never behaves that way again - recognising that the problem is in him - then he is a bigger danger than you thought. Even so, take this very seriously and be prepared to act to protect yourselves, police etc.

Your approach to sleeping is fine at this point. You can try to train her to go back to sleep in her cot, or you can do that later. Dd found sleeping on me sometimes comforting at that age. I've just been training her to go back to sleep in her cot, at 10 mo. I did think I'd created a situation where she would only fall asleep on a person and couldn't settle back down in her cot but, when ill and teething, sleeping on me was comforting for her. Now she's too wriggly and strong but we've made great progress with self-soothing in a week or two, easier than I thought.

McGilly · 16/02/2013 04:52

Yanbu. We are in same situation - DS is nearly 1. If he did not sleep with us after midnight, I would not be able to look after three children in the day. DH can't settle him and I am not ready to stop bf'ing, so right now we do whatever it takes to survive. As DS is our third shocking sleeper, we n

McGilly · 16/02/2013 04:52

Sorry - we both know it doesn't last. Enjoy the snuggles, they are some of my best baby memories.

FairPhyllis · 16/02/2013 04:54

Nightmare, will you at least phone Women's Aid when you can? This isn't a safe situation for your DD - your DH is a danger to her. You need to get her away from him.

McGilly · 16/02/2013 04:57

I am very sorry for your horrific experience which I did not initially see - i hope you can find the help you need for you and your daughter. It does sound like you are thinking very clearly. And this is more than a "sleep" issue. Courage.

stainesmassif · 16/02/2013 05:01

Definitely call women's aid AND the police in the morning. He needs to appreciate the gravity of his behaviour and he needs to move out immediately. Don't allow him to minimise.

McGilly · 16/02/2013 05:05

And I'm really sorry but I don't think you can leave him in charge of your baby now, even if he does want to do nights. It is so very easy to shakes baby without even realising the consequences. I say sorry because you do need help but I don't think he is the person to give it.

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BookieMonster · 16/02/2013 05:08

He needs to appreciate the gravity of his actions. I know it seems overwhelming but I really would ring the police tomorrow. What if his punch had missed you but got your DD?

ErikNorseman · 16/02/2013 07:02

Please phone the police. Tonight he has threatened to break his baby in half, and has punched and throttled you while you were holding her. This is serious, high rink stuff. He is prepared to seriously hurt or kill you (throttling extremely dangerous) and also your baby. If you passed out while holding her she could bash her head or get crushed. He just doesn't care. My blood ran cold when I read the comment about breaking her in half. Safe people just don't have those thoughts, let alone say them out loud.

Downandoutnumbered · 16/02/2013 08:16

Call the police, OP. I'm really frightened for you reading this thread. You'll get good support here - maybe get this thread moved to relationships?

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