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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The fat lady ain't singing but I think it's over

8 replies

dibbleandgrub · 10/02/2013 19:07

oh boy, long one so will try and summarise...not sure where to start

Husband has been depressed for last year - it's due to a bullying boss but he has been really short fused with me and the kids in terms of losing his temper and on a couple of occasions man handled the kids.

I got him counselling - he seemed better - still short fused but not aggressive. he then lost his job in decemebr and i thought he was going to haveva breakdown (to be honest it took its toll on me and i thought i was finally going under) So it's been tough times. We bought our house in October and used my savings of 60k but the mortgage isin his name as mortgage company said they wouldn't give me a mortgage as we put all our debts into my name in 2007 when I was made redundant - so at least one of us could keep a clean credit score.

We have three children 7,4 and 14 months. He has done some bad stuff like blew a shed of cash at a lap dancing club at a stag do in October and has been very hard to live with- screaming at the kids and a lot of yelling etc. Good news is that he got a great job offer on Friday, big Pay rise and everything he wanted. we had a fight last night over something really silly but he flew and whilst I admit I was tired and said god this is all so screwed up, to which he said get the fuck out of my house then. I said what did you just say and he said go on fuck off out of my house.

I went to bed we didn't speak but his morning he acted like nothing had happened and when I said you were put of order he said oh fucking get Over it. We took him for lunch but I have found it hard to look him in the eye all day. He drank a bottle of wine ( I don't drink) then I saw he had texted his mate who he went to the lap dancing club with saying are you about - we share a mobi,e at the moment as his company took his - his mate lives two hours away. I didn't say anything but later we talked about last night and I basically said that we have been through so much but he took it to another level and if he keeps saying that kind of thing then it's going to do some real damage. He said he agrees and that he wants some space band to celebrate so he's going to go away for a night (obviously pre planned) but was over the limit so would go tomorrow. anyway in short he ended up leaving tonight well over the limit - I said don't drive Ill get you a taxi to. Bnb or something but he said no- walked out on me and the kids - didn't say goodbye. Has no phone, I don't know here he has gone.

I am so tired. I feel completely at the end after the last year. The kids are fighting and crying fir their dad, I have no one to talk to. How did my life end up like this?

OP posts:
dibbleandgrub · 10/02/2013 19:09

Sorry just re read and typing awful on this iPad so hope it makes sense

OP posts:
sensesworkingovertime · 10/02/2013 19:32

I am so sorry to hear that you are at the end of your tether, I would be too.For yourself and the children you have got to the stage where you have either got to get the problems properly talked about between yourselves as soon as possible. Do you still love him and does he love you are the first questions. Is the mess salvigable(This needs to be done when he is stone cold sober, don't try and sort anything out if he's been at the bottle). I hope he sees sense about the awful way he has behaved. Take care, hope things work out for you all.

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2013 19:44

I would be crying all the way to the solicitor's if I were you. How dare he talk to you like that? Make sure you find out what the financial situation is exactly and then decide whether you want this awful man in your life.

Btw you say your children are crying about him leaving - did he or you say something about going? Couldn't you have said he was going to work?

dibbleandgrub · 10/02/2013 20:17

They're crying because he's not here, unusual for him to go out at this time and they're quite astute but no didn't say anything in front of them and I told them he has gone to see his friend so they're all ok, in bed now. Yes I do love him, he is all i have apart from the children. Re financials I had my investment in the house protected so 50k is protected in a legal document we had drawn up.

OP posts:
Merl0t · 10/02/2013 20:36

Have you got proof you put 69 k in to the mortgage? go to a solicitor. see where u stand . so the debts are all yours and the hoyse is in his name. u have suported him thru depression and unemployment, and now that he has got a job he says "get out of my house". u need to speak to a solicitor.

dibbleandgrub · 10/02/2013 20:44

Yes it's all protected in a legal document that says it's my money and he is not entitled to it and that he cannot sell the house without giving me 50% of any additional profit

OP posts:
Merl0t · 10/02/2013 20:47

Well then, the next time he says "leave my house" tell him the solicitors can sort it out. being a bastard to you is a very good way for him to let off steam.

dibbleandgrub · 10/02/2013 22:03

Yes that's true but should we try relate or something??

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