contact question before divorce

[contactyq]

I've namechanged for this, just in case I give too much away!

My STBX works abroad for around 9 months of the year, over 4-5 trips. He's obviously away for quite a while, and sometimes only back for a few weeks.

When he gets back his priorities are spending his money, drinking with his mates, then DC if nothing better on.

To anyone who'll listen, he will tlk sadly about how much he misses DC when he's away, and that he's doing it all for their benefit. This is bullshit, as he pays as little in maintenance as he can. I'd get over double if I went through the CSA, but scared I'll end up with nothing, so haven't rocked the boat.

Anyway (sorry got carried away on a moan) he was supposed to see DC today, but instead sent a text this afternoon telling me that he wasn't going to as he was too hungover, and that he'll be away for a trip (for fun) for the week so will do something when he gets back. It's school holidays.

This is the final straw for me now, and I want a divorce all sorted, and a clean break from him.

I wondered if anyone knew how access would be worked out in this situation?
Could certain days still be set out (like sundays when he's back for example?)

That way if he chooses not to take his days, he has to just wait for the next ones. I'm so sick of him just deciding to do something else, and expecting me to rearrange plans I've made to fit in with him.

I have no social life whatsoever at the moment.

Sorry, wasn't sure whether to put this in relationships or legal. Hope it's ok here.

Thank in advance for any opinions, and I'm so sorry for the length of this post!

Where is your h paid? In the UK and is his pay subject to UK income tax etc? Is he making mortgage payments or paying rent for the property you currently live in?

You've mentioned wanting a divorce 'all sorted'. Do you have this in hand and has your solicitor filed your Petition?

The court would probably prefer to set up regular telephone/skype contact which turns into direct contact when he is back. They are usually keen to provide structure more than flexibility, which probably suits you.

WRT maintainance if he is employed and likely to avoid paying you the CSA can take direct from his wages if he is employed in UK but working abroad. If he is Self employed or on short term contracts abroad it may be more tricky.

sorry your ex is a twat by the way.

How many dc do you have and how old are they?

There's no reason why contact shouldn't be set out as you've said - i.e. every Sunday subject to him being in the UK but, depending on their ages, it may be advantageous for you to suggest that he has them ovenight Saturday/Sunday or for longer at weekends when he's not working overseas.

I'm not sure about his pay, he's registered as self employed, not sure who pays him though.

We've been seperated 3 years now, he doesn't make any contributions other than maintenance.
I've not made a start with the divorce yet, not sure how to even begin to ne honest!

Sorry Xposted, and then had to start dinner!

Thanks foolon. He is isn't he?!

DC is 6, and actually didn't even notice that dad hadn't shown up today, has gotten so used to it.

Is he opposed to divorce? If not, as you've been separated for more than 2 years, you can file for a no fault divorce by mutual consent.

If he doesn't consent you'll need to cite unreasonable behaviour, and/or adultery if he went off with an ow, as grounds for divorce.

If you are entitled to legal aid you need to get your skates on as your entitlement will end on April 6 or thereabouts and therefter legal aid will not be available in divorce and family matters.

If you cannot solicit personal recommendations from family/friends for solicitors who specialise in divorce and family matters, visit www.womensaid.org.uk to locate your nearest branch, give them a call tomorrow, as them to point you in the direction of suitable lawyers in your area.

www.womensaid.org.uk

That's brilliant izzy, thankyou!
I am entitled to legal aid at the moment, so that will give me an extra kick up the bum to get moving as well.

I don't think he's opposed.
Every now and then he wonders if we could try again, then I'm not 'grateful enough' and he starts bragging about how much better his life is without me, so doubt he'd mind me divorcing him!