Don't know where to start, I have so many emotions going on inside. Been living alone 3 yrs feeling very lonely this evening. Have a boyfriend who has his own place we have been planning to live together soon. I have held back so far for various reasons, it might complicate my divorce, financial, and we have fallen out a lot often culminating with him saying its over and storming out. Then later contacting me either to continue his side of the argument or to say he didn't mean it.
Anyway sometimes I feel secure that he loves me and sometimes I seriously wonder but I don't know if that's because I'm an insecure person. He can be very helpful and supportive then at other times in my view can do some real hurtful things. Often I feel if I tell him my feelings he tells me I'm having a go at him and blaming him and HE yells at ME.
Earlier this week I had a family member taken quite seriously ill and whilst he came with me he was quiet and withdrawn the next day and I asked a couple of times what the matter was and he ended up storming out saying I was " having a go" hence I was upset being yelled at and left when I was worrying about family member.
Sorry I'm not explaining how I feel very well that's probably because I feel so confused and hurt by some of his reactions sometimes. It makes me imagine all sorts, that he doesn't actually love me, that he's with me till someone else comes along, that he's no good at relationships/ dealing with female emotions. All or some of these may or may not be true I'm so mixed up. If I put any of this to him I never know what reaction il get because it varies, sometimes he, be open to discussing and understanding but other times he,l he takes it all as a personal attack. Don't know what help anyone can give but at least it's all off my chest.