My mother in law and my miscarriage.............

[Northerner]

Ok I'll keep it brief. Easter Monady I had a miscarriage, my parents were styaing with us for easter, so they looked after ds whilst dh and I went to A&E. MIL found out what was happenning and charged to A&E to 'support us' She love s ti be in teh middle of a crisis a real drama queen.

We didn't need her support. After my MC was confirmed MIL was lecturing me on how not to blame myself (Iwasn't) and than said she knew how I felt as she had gone through with 2 abortions and that the feelings were the same. Not the same IMO. She tehn rushed back to my house to brake the news to my parents.

Since that evening she has not been to see us or phoned me to see how I am.

Have just spoken to SIL (dh's brothers wife) who mentioned MIL had popped round to see them the other night to talk about their new extension and stayed a few hours.

There is no real love lost between me and MIl, however, under the circumstances I think if she has time to see them to talk about a bloody extension then why hasn't she been to see us?

I feel cross and think I should tell her. Would you?

Or am I over reacting?

Deep breaths Northerner...........and let it go. Not worth the aggro. (Don't think it's an over-reaction btw, just not worth the grief to fall out over it).

V sorry to hear about your miscarriage though.

Northerner, I don't know how you're feeling, I really don't, and apart from your post, know little about your relationship with your mil (crass comments re: abortions btw).

She does sound like a loose cannon, but all I would say is be cautious of using your mil as an outlet for your emotions and feelings about your miscarriage.

Hope I haven't offended.

I would rise above it and not mention it to her.

Maybe she is rubbish at discussing things about feelings rather then extentions (nice safe topic).

But when you next see her, go on about how your friends have been ringing you etc and cards and lay it on thick about her lack of input.

SHOW HER MY SOAP!

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very sorry to hear your news - perhpas she feels that you need space (or if sh eis a drama queen she has been there heard thenews and moved on to the next thing)
sorry that sounds harsh my mil is teh same if theres dram ashe's ther then it is all over an done with

Northerner I think you are in danger of just using your MIL as a punchbag for your emotions, as Feistybird suggests. It sounds like she was trying to support you and it could be that the reason she's not been in touch, is because she wants to give you some space or because she maybe feels that her initial reaction was intrusive and she's going the other way now to try and balance it.

This is a bad time to pick a fight with your MIL (not that I know what's a good time). Concentrate on looking after yourself - you need some TLC at the moment. Sorry about your miscarriage.

You all think I should rise above? [gutted]

Feistybird - am not offened. Perhaps you are right in a way.

Olive - yes I will do that. Shall tell her how supportive everyone else has been, including step MIL (that'll really get her back up

Will strategically place hugs soap in bathroom and say 'did you see my new soap'? .....

Very sorry to hear about your news Northerner. Don't really do hugs but am sending you some

I think in the grand scheme of things you may have been more upset had you of found out that your MIL spent the entire hour talking about you behind your back than the dirge she did subject them to. You say there is no love lost between you(perhaps I am making too many assumptions here) but maybe your MIL didn't feel very welcome when she saw you both and actually felt it best to step back.(???)
I don't want to sound like I am taking her side but you really need to rest up and not less this negativity get to you.

I think your dh should be hinted at in a very unsubtle way that you need a nice treat.

If I were you, I would rise above your MIL's behaviour - she's not worth your anger and would love the drama it would all cause.

So sorry about your miscarriage Northerner.
Families are so complicated, I'm loathe to start saying what you should do. I'd be tempted to let it slip & be thankful you haven't had to listen to any more of her words of "wisdom"!!! However, having said that, it would have shown much more genuine concern from her, had she called to see how you are doing.

But I suspect that if she had called you, you would have been irritated by her intrusion and accused her of wallowing in the drama of it.

Sorry, I'm obviously deliberately playing devil's advocate here, but I think if you already don't get on with someone and you're having a bad time, you will read everything they do negatively. Mothers in law can't win. And in most cases, that really isn't their fault. (Although in some cases, it obviously is!)

Hope you feel better soon, Northerner, I agree with Megglevache that you need a treat.

Sorry to say but IMO mil's can be insensive some times.
We also mc x2 and I remember mil have a drunken conversation with me (I was sober) about her love etc for my dh, saying how I would understand one day when I had kids of my own......A very sore subject at the time. I think she was so drunk she wasn't aware of what her mouth was saying sadly.

Thing is, things can be said (about mc) that people who have never experienced it don't understand or realise what they are saying can be interpereted incorrectly iykwim.

We now have dd and even now people think dh & I have forgot about the 2 babies we lost and think that the 4 years trying for dd is now a distant memory.! Yeah right!..

It was help you to air your issue with your mil about how she handled it BUT I would wait until you are more stable emotionally iykwim. The last thing you want is to break down mid conversation..

Good luck and I wish you all the best in trying again...BTW me & my mil are good friends now, I now feel like I am on a level with her and I am pleased our relationship actually seems to be working out. xx