I don't know how you would describe it, apart from to say every time he sees DD, he gets hold of her, puts his arms around her and holds onto her tightly, usually whilst saying something like 'You can't get out of this can you DD! Go on, try to get out of this then!'
I cannot leave them in the same room together, because it seems as soon as they are alone, it starts again. I'm sure DD can't be enjoying it??
I have asked him to put her down, said she doesn't like it, even physically taken DD from him, and tbh, there have been a few times when he has held on even as I am pulling DD out of his vice like grip.
Sometimes, he doesn't take any notice and just says 'She likes it.'
Perhaps it is the grimace on his face as he is holding her that makes me very uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I have tried speaking to my family about it, and don't go round bil's much anyway, but family's response is to say it doesn't happen when they are there, (oh yes it does) and then to be very sarcastic about it and say 'Well don't go to bil's house then?' meaning I would hardly ever see my sister.
I try to go when bil is at work, but since he works very irregular hours, and doesn't have regular days/hours he works, it is difficult to keep track.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
MNHQ have commented on this thread
Relationships
to not want bil to hold DD tightly and not let go?
littlemisssarcastic · 08/02/2013 23:17
Are you absolutely certain he isn't knocking your sister about as revenge for your defiance (or whatever pathetic excuse he uses to justify his despicable behaviour)? Its the only rational explanation I can think of for your mum to take her side over yours 
Bacardi He is exactly that type of man, although his own DS is now an adult, as is my DS.
When I was with xp, we all went out one day. The DC began kicking a football around, and Bil joined in, kicking the ball to xp.
When xp tackled Bil, Bil 'hacked' xp and kicked xp hard in the shin to get the ball off of xp. Xp stood up and told Bil that wasn't how you played football and Bil laughed. He thought it was hilarious to see xp hobbling over to him.
Xp squared up to Bil and told him that if he ever did that again, xp would knock him out. Bil backed off, with the usual sheepish look.
Years later, Bil laughs about the time he 'hacked' xp and sister and mother laugh along, even though they fail to mention the rest of what happened.
Xp doesn't engage at all with xp now, and has openly said he hopes he doesn't bump into xp. 
Sister and mother did some pretty awful stuff when I met xp to break up my relationship. Xp did turn out to be an abusive tosser, but even before they had met him, they did some despicable stuff, so sister, mother and Bil now think xp is fair game to sneer at and criticise.
Every time I discover something new about xp, (usually something bad) sister or mother will say 'I knew that all along.'
How they knew some of this stuff all along is nothing short of ESP. Apparently they always knew xp never had a full driving licence, even though xp had been driving with no problems in various family members vehicles as well as my car, and had never been refused insurance. They hated xp driving my car, with my permission, because he was just using me, yet even knowing what they claim to have known all along, they never reported him.
That's just one example.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Blackmail, humiliation, making a scene, ringing schools with various unfounded silly accusations, allegations to SS, screaming 'paedophile' across public places, slagging me off to anyone who will listen, and there's plenty who will.
I have always been the daughter with no common sense, the one who is vulnerable and needs help, the one who can't cope on my own, the inadequate one who gives nothing but worries, the one who thinks she knows best with a massive chip on her shoulder. That's me!! That's how my mother in particular describes me to her few friends and they believe her!!
Mother cannot be trusted, I cannot tell my mother anything without it getting back to my sister, or relayed to her friends. In fact, the minute I hang up after a conversation with my mother, she picks her phone straight back up and rings someone, usually my sister, or if not, her friends and regales them with my latest tale of woe.
To this end, I don't tell my mother anything anymore unless necessary. The result of this is that mother assumes what is going on in my life and relays that as fact instead.
Mother assumes everything, she knows nothing but assumes everything.
Conversations go like this:
Me: I will be over when I have picked up DD from xp's.
When I arrive at mother's...Mother: How did pick up go?
Me: Fine.
Mother: Oh no, what happened?
Me: Nothing, it was fine.
Mother: Only fine?
Me: It was ok, nothing to tell.
Mother: Oh it's just the way you say 'fine' I assume something went wrong.
Me: Nothing went wrong.
Mother then phones sister and tells her that there were problems at pick up, but of course LMS wont talk to me, I don't know why, but can you ask her what happened, I think she is upset.
Sister phones me: What happened at pick up? Mother thinks you are upset.
Me: Nothing happened, everything was fine.
Sister: Well you need to tell mother that because she is worried.
That is how virtually every conversation goes, and mother always always seems to think the worst. If you don't give her verse and chapter, she makes her own version up.
Mother is an extremely negative person, yet if I say anything negative, I am not helping myself getting upset about things, I need to relax. Ha fucking ha. The joke's on me I think. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.