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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My baby is only 7 months but I am so angry and disappointed with my partner.

13 replies

MissLeanneM · 08/02/2013 21:47

Im just so angry and disappointed i just wanted to share my story. not sure what I'm trying to achieve really .....

My partner and I were only together 3 months before I got pregnant so everything moved seriously quick. He's 45 (19 years older than me) so he was quite pleased as he said "he felt it was his last chance to have a baby".

When my baby was 3 days old he had to watch the football down he pub in the evening (even tough he left me in tears struggling to breastfeeding). When my baby was 10 days old he went celebrating with his friends all night, returning at 3 in the morning and hungover all the next day while I continued to struggle. Throughout the Olympics he would stay up late drinking wine And getting drunk whilst once again I struggled with our baby. My partners a teacher so he had 2 weeks paternity then 6 weeks summer holiday and never once got up with him in the night. I did breastfeeding for 6 weeks but gave our baby a bottle at 11 s he could have helped out so much more.

Now my baby is 7months and I'm just so angry and disappointed. Our baby does sleep well at night but I have struggled a little with Adapting to motherhood so have often felt lonely in the day although I attend loads of groups and have made loads of friends (I feel me and motherhood are improving now) but Im so disappointed. My partner for example went out 3 nights last weekend and can't see why it would have been nice if me and him could have had a bit of time together at home. Tonight he said he'd stay in with me and we would have a "cuddle" well surprise surprise he's met up with his brother for a few drinks. As he left (I'm not proud of this) I told him there was nothing between us anymore but he still just went out! I'm sure I sound crazy. Maybe I am? I love our baby to bits and do enjoy time with him but just thought things would be a bit fairer. I'm always responsible even when we're both there.

OP posts:

TisILeclerc · 08/02/2013 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 08/02/2013 22:10

..so this Eejit wasn't already snapped up beofre you met him? Shocking!

There's a reason he's 'left it this late', cos no-one'd have him!

He is a lazy, inconsiderate arse, with a massive sense of entitlement, and perhaps even a drinking problem.

His behaviour's not conducive to supporting a healthy family. Tell him to go, and give the CSA a call.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 08/02/2013 22:11

I agree with Tis, this man doesn't sound like a partner.

In all honesty I wouldnt' want to be in a relationship with someone like that

wondawoman1 · 08/02/2013 22:12

I'm so sorry your disappointed ; but from what you've said , this guy has his priorities all wrong!! It sounds like he wants to be out more than spend time with his family! He needs a big reality check!!! Sorry if this sounds harsh but he's taking the piss!!!!!

PatriciaHolm · 08/02/2013 22:14

You do not sound crazy. You sound as if you have finally opened yours eyes to the twat you have had a child with. Question is; is the relationship one you feel is worth as saving? Single parenthood can't be much harder, surely....

annh · 08/02/2013 22:18

The problem is you really didn't know this man at all before having a baby with him. You were pregnant after three months and he is almost two decades older than you. His life experience is completely different to yours.

You have some serious talking to do, if he wants you to stay together he needs to realise that he is not a teenager anymore and if he wanted to be a parent that involves more than just playing with the baby occasionally. If he will not change and grow up, unfortunately you will not have a future together.

Gingerandcocoa · 08/02/2013 22:34

I second what everyone above me have said, but I think you need to focus on practicalities. This man is your baby's father and there's no way out of it. Perhaps you can sit down with him and explain how much help you'd like to have, and see why he doesn't think it's his role to help?

minkembra · 12/02/2013 18:34

Can totally see your point.
sounds like you need to try to talk (as calmly as possible given how peeved you must be) to him about it.

if possible try to get a night out for the two of you. see how that works out. no reason why he gets to go out without you all the time.

and also try to get a night out on your own, leave him holding the baby- even just a swim with a mate, get a break and let him get a perspective on what you do on a daily basis.

maybe he is just pushing his luck and needs to be given a dose of reality/seeing things from your side or maybe he is irredeemably selfish.

If he doesn't want to take your feelings on board then you need to consider what other options you might have. is it that he just isn't thinking or is that he actually does not see the two of you as equal partners in the family.

disclaimer: my views of some men are a bit jaded just now.

FarBetterNow · 12/02/2013 18:45

I really feel for you. My ex was hopeless from the start - he said he would relate more with our DD when she was a teenager, but she had already realised that he wasn't really interested.
He won't change on his own, you'll have to talk to him - give him a chance.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 12/02/2013 18:52

He sounds like a lazy bastard. DD's dad was more than useless, until we split, now he actually does things for her and with her. Never thought I'd see the day!

jollygoose · 12/02/2013 18:55

How about you tell him you posted an article in mumsnet today to seek other peoples opinions of a problem you have and get him to read it. If he then cant see how badly his behaviour is I would tell him to sod off, good luck

Helltotheno · 12/02/2013 21:30

OP I think you need to look at your options in relation to splitting up. I can just see your future and I hate to say it, but you're setting yourself up for an awful lot of disappointment. If he's reached that age and suited himself for that long, and still isn't prepared to make changes even with a child, well it's not looking good is it?

At a very minimum, you need to move out temporarily and send a clear message that you won't put up with it. Anywhere you and the baby can stay for a while?

CarnivorousPanda · 13/02/2013 22:26

Three months just wasn't long enough to know him . At 45, I can't see him changing now, he likes the single life, goes out all the time and sounds very immature.

Are you willing to put up with this?

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