What do you think?

[AhForFeckSake]

Just got off the phone to a friend and she has told me of an argument she's had earlier today with her dp.
I'll try and keep it brief. They are planning to start a family some time soon and she's just had some checks done at the request of the GP, bloods, sti's, immunities and the like. All have came back fine and GP recommended testing for syphilis, HIV and something else then she'll be done and won't need testing when she falls pregnant or something like that.
Her Dp is usually a nice guy and she's a bit shocked by his later reaction, (which I'll get to) Obviously I've said to her he was out of order but I have a feeling his reaction runs much deeper than just the words.

They were talking after and she sort of said ' oh more tests which are quite irrelevant, I know I haven't got HIV' She was tested right before getting with Dp and had a negative result (as with all STI's, She's never had any) and stated that if anything had came/does come back positive then possibly he would have given her it. He has never been tested for anything, ever but doesn't believe things can stay silent.
Minor argument ensues but he knotches it up a few levels and claims that because of her past sexual history it puts her at more risk of being HIV (more sexual partners him with whom she was careful and has no history of STI, Really?) he said to her (a lie I'm quite sure) that when, quite early in the relationship (6-9 mths she thinks), she had vaginal thrush and gave it to him accidentally, anyway he had no experience of this so went to the GP to get it looked at, he claims the GP asked him who he was sleeping with? a girl that sleeps around ? He said he's been worried about it since it was said. A GP would know the symptoms and in my experience wouldn't say something like that anyway.

Her dp has only recently begin to want a child, he's 32 and his whole adult life he's been afraid to get someone pregnant, not wanting to accidentally nor purposely bring a child into the world until he was ready financially (still not completely happy but enough) and mature enough (I'd have said yes before she told me this) and also wanted to find the right woman.
His behaviour was completely irrational and so out of character and she has no idea why, the only reason she could come up with is he's had no sleep for 2 days so is mega tired today.
So he's gone to bed now and she's pissed off and upset believing that he views her as a HIV infected loose woman
I've tried to support her and didn't want to seem to take his side or minimise how he's hurt her, BUT is it possible that maybe he is actually still afraid, now all these tests have came back clear and it's now so close to happening that he's having a kind of 'ah fuck' huge panic moment and reacted this way? I'm no psychologist but just have a feeling.
I want to see what the general consensus is before mentioning it to her in case I'm way off the mark and he is just being (albeit very unusually) twattish.
Thanks.

Erm....if I was you I would just make soothing noises but dont get involved with another couples intimate details and discussions.
Step away from their disagreement.

Cailinsalach, she asked or else I wouldn't usually, I'm usually one for sleeping on something and discussing.
She's calling me back later and wants to talk about whether she should leave as at the moment she's thinking that he really feels this way about her. That's why I asked if anyone else feels it could of manifested itself because he's afraid??

I guess it could be considered a red flag.., but don't be so sure that a GP would know all the symptoms of an STI. The people at the sexual health clinics know that. And also that a GP wouldn't clumsily say something crap.. I've had a GP plaing with his iPad while speaking to me. And my friend's had one confidently asserting she had gonorreah when actually she had thrush.

Agree that it's their disagreement too.

Yes, he might be scared its all actually starting to happen. If she goes in with that angle is should become clearer, I suppose.

Don't mind me wandering in - since when was a barrage of blood tests by the GP neccessary before starting a family (unless there is a history of illness)?

FWIW worth, your comment about him having less sexual partners than her is the force here. He's clearly quite old fashioned in his views. If I were her, I'd be baling out now because he will hold her sexual history over her.

However that isn't your place to even suggewst that.

The GP was shockingly wrong to say that clear test results now would prevent the need for tests in pregnancy, as anything could happen between now and then and infections contracted.

This man sounds like a sexist who judges a woman by the number of sexual partners she's had. Even in the unlikely event that he had encountered an outrageously sexist GP who'd said those things, a non-sexist man would have remonstrated with the GP and pointed out the absurdity of the statement. He wouldn't have stored it as a back-up to his own archaic views, when in an argument.

In answer to your question, no I don't think men who are frightened about being fathers come out with views like this, if they don't truly believe them.

The only men who do are sexist wankers with double-standards.

Agree with Hollly why is she having all these tests, sounds very unusual to me - it also sounds as though the two of them haven't come to the decision together that they want to have a child, it all sounds very odd, clinical even to have those tests .

Doesn't really sound like a happy, loving relationship does it?

Whoa! pretty shitty thing to say regardless.
It's difficult to make that judgement unless you hear what's actually been said and how but I suppose it could be borne from fear, equally though it might not be. So sorry, not much help.

If a GP has said that then it's shocking of him/her to make that assumption not to mention unprofessional. Thrush might be difficult to look at and diagnose immediately, possibly similar symps of other actual STD's but conclusions before testing shouldn't have been reached.

When you speak to her later why don't you give her a piece of your own advice written above - sleep on it and talk later/tomorrow once the dust's settled. I understand she must be hurt and shocked by the comments but it's not to make hasty upset decisions.

In answer to the tests questions, she has/had a few health issues (liver function and stomach) so part of the tests were to do with that. The rest are standard in the country they live (I already asked because I was curious why so many) - stuff like checking for STI's, immunity to rubella, chickenpox, toxoplasmosis that kind of thing. HIV and Hepatitis are mandatory tests there too if you plan to use a hospital. If you speak with a GP about planning a baby,apparently you'll get a big list of what needs checking before they'll give you the go ahead that you are 'ready' 'healthy'
What I think she means is she won't need any more preliminary tests done, only the normal stuff if and when she does become pregnant.
I don't think it sounds clinical at all, a lot of it makes sense. I would rather know before getting pregnant if I was carrying something I could potentially pass to a unborn baby.
They definitely made the decision together after around 18 months discussing it.
That's the thing Charbon he has shown no sign of this ever before, to my friend and I've not seen it in him neither and we have a good relationship, quite close. I find it hard to believe he could have been suppressing it all this time, I could understand if the relationship was in the early stages but it's not.
I may well suggest she do just that dondon - I don't want to become entangled in this as I said I'm close to them both but She doesn't really have anyone else to talk to about this.

Thanks for replies.

cailinsalach- is ainm iontach e sin! op, think if i was friend i'd get tests asap, then see what to do..