Am I depressed?

[Datingagain]

I just feel completely meh.

Am single Mum to 3 yr old DS. Have been on my own since ex (D)P and I split 18 months ago. He was a shit partner, but is a good Dad and v involved with DS.

I was seeing someone last year, who I really liked. But was then dumped just after new year, for no real reason.

I work part-time, have an interesting and fulfilling job. Love DS to bits. But just feel like every day (especially when at home with DS all day) is a slog.

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I do. I didn't think this is how my life would be.

I have good friends, who I can't really be bothered phoning. Supportive family, who I see quite a lot of. But don't really want to do anything other than sit on the sofa and have a glass of wine, piss about online and watch crap TV. (Once DS is in bed) I'm so, so tired.

And I don't want to feel so down anymore.

Example - today, DS and I have been out and about most of the day, had a good time, but then got home at 4pm ish.

Since then, he's been "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, play with me". And I've had to say no, as have cooking / laundry etc to do.

I then feel like a shit Mum, end up getting cross and he says "Mummy you're always grumpy"

I am 1.5 stone overweight and feel fat. I also can't stop thinking about what life would have been like if Ex DP and I hadn't split. I can't help thinking that it would have been better than this. Even though it was really shit.

I really, really need to snap out of this. I am so, so lucky in so many ways. I just can't seem to be happy. Any advice? (Other than, snap out of it?!)

Get yourself off to your GP asap. You may need medication or counselling, not sure exactly but depression is a subtle slippery slope and you should stop the slide now. Good luck.

I don't think it's depression... Yet! I just think you are having a realty crapppy shit time thine that would get anyone down . I think the breakup at new year has had a big affect on you self confidence and you are feeling alone and isolated. However, unwritten in your post but between the lines is the joy you clearly get from your lovely Ds, and good for you. Could this weekend you sod the housework, (or get up early to do it) plan something different for the 2 of you and even go to bed together with a new story book. That would get you a good night sleep too ( hey no-one said you can't take a glass of wine/ choccies up to bed at 7.30 with the cookies & milk);-). I think you will come through this but if you do get to a stage where you feel unable to cope then yes def go and see the dr but I do think the main crux of the issue is the sadness you feel over the break up. Good luck Hun

Definitely get to the drs! You don't need to feel so sad. Do you get time off from being a mum sometimes? I find the odd day or night off really helps. 3 year olds are very needy but it is good for him to learn to play alone as well as with you, so don't feel bad when you need to cook etc. My kids are less fussy if I play music while doing the housework/cooking because then we can dance and sing a bit at the same time and it makes a lovely atmosphere.

Definitely get to the drs! You don't need to feel so sad. Do you get time off from being a mum sometimes? I find the odd day or night off really helps. 3 year olds are very needy but it is good for him to learn to play alone as well as with you, so don't feel bad when you need to cook etc. My kids are less fussy if I play music while doing the housework/cooking because then we can dance and sing a bit at the same time and it makes a lovely atmosphere.

"I know I shouldn't feel like this but I do".
Challenge this thinking - why shouldn't you feel like this? you are finding things tough at the moment. It sounds like you think you are not even allowed to feel down because you are lucky. The guilt about feeling down then feeds back into your negative thinking and mood.
You could try some CBT, good for identifying and breaking out of these kind of vicious cycles. something like this online course or loads of CBT self help books if you look on amazon.

Try and get more active in doing the things that you are avoiding, but in quite small achievable ways, such as play with your DS for 5 minutes before doing the laundry. And if phoning a friend seems like too much effort, send a text just to say hi. And congratulate yourself for every small achievement.

I don't think that anyone can really say whether you're actually depressed or just going through a bad patch.

My personal fear is that sometimes GPs can be quick to offer people medication which in itself can cause side effects, when actually they just need to make some small lifestyle changes. But of course some people do actually need it.

I think you're allowed to feel crap, you've been through two break ups in a short space of time, you're a single mum which however much we love our children can be very draining. The weathers rubbish etc, etc.

Do you see a way out of it, would you feel better if you had some things to look forward to?

For example, ds will be at school eventually which might free up some time for yourself if you work part time, could you see yourself joining an exercise class, or getting your hair/nails done, just having time to relax with a coffee and a bit of daytime tv can be nice. Can you look forward to Summer? Even if you can't go on holiday just having a day at the seaside, looking forward to picnics in the park. Plan a babysitter and a trip to the cinema with a friend or a meal out, even invite a friend round for a takeaway, maybe it could become a regular thing? Sometimes just having a really good laugh with someone can make you feel a lot better.

If I were you I'd be really kind to yourself over the next month, have a day off from the housework and just do something you and ds enjoy, have a think about some nice things you'd like to do over the next year, make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well etc. And if you're not starting to feel better in a months time go to see you GP.

Your new relationship only ended in January, so it's early days as far as that goes and you are probably still feeling the effects of the break-up. I was feeling very low recently and went to the doctor. She didn't just hand out the meds, but gave me some pamplets to read and told me to come back if I neede to. I'm sure the info is also available on the NHS website. The core symptoms of depression are persistent sadness or low mood, and marked loss of interest or pleasure in activities, even activities that you normally enjoy. There are other symptoms such as disturbed sleep, change in appetite (usually loss of), fatigue, indecisiveness, feelings of worthlessness etc You need to have at least five of the nine main symptoms, and the symptoms have persisted for at least two weeks. So for me I couldn't say that I was depressed just down because of life circumstances. Only you will be able to know if you are depressed - it may be mild depression in which case the docs don't usually prescribe anyway, but do keep an eye on it and don't hesitate to get help if it gets worse.

Sometimes life is just a bit or even a lot shit. Tips for coping - fake it even if you aren't feeling it, have a realistic to-do list. I find satisfaction in being able to tick things off a list. Also, mild exercise can help, and doing things for yourself that you enjoy.