Contact change at short notice AIBU

[jann2013]

dh usually takes dd alternate saturday and sundays every weekend (not overnight). he has changed at short notice a couple of times and it does affect me as it means things are different for all the following saturdays and sundays which follow. i make plans for me and dd to visit friends, them to come to ours etc on hte days i have dd. on the days i don't have dd, i have compulsory training sessions to do for the course i go to which i arrange, and sometimes arrange other things that its hard to do with dd.
dh studies full time and works part time on the weekends. this job is not compulsory and he never contributes anything towards dd. he has cancelled before due to work (and as he wanted to go on a last minute holiday!) at short notice and i have accommodated him and changed my plans.
tonight he texted saying he wanted to get dd tomorrow instead of sunday, and the following sunday instead of the saturday... i have plans with friends and their dcs tomorrow, i have other plans for next weekend... i asked him can he not sort it out with work he said he didn't know how this happened and he is confused. i said well it is his choice whether to put his dd before work or not... but i would not be cancelling my plans this time. as far as i can see, he can just tell work that he has dd this sunday and can't work (which they are supposed to know) AIBU? He has ignored me since i sent my reply and im expecting the worst

If he was changing because he wanted to do something different, like go out with his mates I would say you're not being unreasonable, but when it's because if work, I don't know. Although the job isn't compulsory (I presume for his course?), if he's employed he has a responsibility to his employer also. Does he need the job for income? Are you asking him to quit his job? I think everyone can get in a muddle sometimes and I don't think he's being unreasonable to ask to change, but if it isn't possible for you to swap your plans I would think you're not being unreasonable to refuse. It's a tough call to make.

YABU. He's got to work. If he loses his job then doesn't pay maintenance you'd soon be moaning.

Why doesn't your ex not contribute anything toward your DD, op?

How far in advance does he know his shift patterns?

It's bad form to not let you know until the night before that he wants to change his contact so I think YANBU to refuse that change as you've already made plans. But he's given you a weeks notice for next weekend, is there no possibility of compromise there?

Thanks for the responses. the supervision that is part of my course is essential as well. i am not asking him to quit his job - the truth is he is on a relief contract which is supposed to be as and when required. he has never paid maintenance and doesn't intend to until he finishes uni - he lives at home with his parents. he can easily work his shifts around his dd... i just don't see why i should always be the one having to rearrange about 4 arrangements (2 each weekend - some that can be changed, some that can't) because he is not managing his time

but if i am being unreasonable then i will re tihnk. it is just so hard when he is always changing things at short notice. last time was because he wanted to go on holiday. sigh.

If he has to work he certainly knew that before today. Sounds like he's playing games. Tell him to stick to the agreed plan.

And go to the CSA.

yes i will be flexible for the following weekend as he has told me - its just that he doesn't like taking dd for 2 of the same days in a row (eg 2 saturdays or 2 sundays)

CSA said he doesnt' have to pay till he finishes uni technically - but that he might have to pay if i apply for a variation. i just don't want to go down that route of asking for money.

I can share your frustration dd's dad cancelled picking her up tonight by texting yessterday. Its not fair.

CSA are involved and he is currently in arrears by £1000- hoping I see this money one day as I could sure do with it

YANBU. He is pissing you about. You have plans, some of which involve your work and training- and you are the one supporting DD if he pays no maintenance. Your work has to take priority in that case.