I needed to hear him talk. So's I'd know my instincts were right.
And they are. He admitted to being unemotional. Said he has lived the last 40 years on a totally practical level. (He is 59). When asked how we measured our anxiety and stress about our marriage, I said lots, he said none. When I was asked if I felt emotionally abused, I found it extremely hard to answer honestly in front of him, but he said he felt that I felt emotionally abused at how he handles conflict. He admitted he made decisions that suited him without taking my feelings into account. He said he makes his decision about something, and that's it, time to move on. He said he deliberately refused to deal with ending the recent long silence because he resented that I wanted him to. He was not hugely defensive but did say he didn't see much wrong with the way he lives. The counsellor pushed him a bit on this, and after hearing me say how lonely and distressed I am, he said he knew he had to learn to deal with things differently. He said he loved me, didn't want to hurt me but was feeling very excluded. When asked if he had considered ending this marriage, he said no and was surprised to hear me say yes. He referred to him "being emotionally connected" as a learned behaviour! He said that I spend a lot of time online and get support there, and I snapped back that it was a damn shame that that's where I got my support.
Feeling shellshocked today even though I kinda knew what to expect.