DP suffers from night terrors, should I try and help or stay out of it?

[FrankieBean]

We've been together just under 7 months and on a number of occasions he has began shouting and screaming in his sleep, sometimes starts thrashing around too. The first time it happened we'd been watching a horror film and the next morning he said it was a dream about ghosts etc he was having, hence the night terror but all the times after that we've not been watching anything horror related and he's told me he doesn't remember dreaming about anything. Ive also known him watch pretty gruesome movies with no sleep effects at all.

Last night I was woken up by him shouting seemingly terrified in his sleep. He was also squeezing me and thrashing a bit. I woke him up gently, he fell back asleep and seemed ok for a while but then started thrashing around silently and shaking and grabbing me and holding me really tight in his sleep.

This morning I told him he'd been panicking in his sleep again and he responded with "was I? big puff that i am". and brushed it off. I think he's a bit embarrassed by it as he's quite a "manly man" in a manly career etc and I think he's a bit reluctant to discuss it but should I try? I hate the thought of him being so terrified and from a selfish point of view, last night I was worrying slightly that he could be capable of attacking me in his sleep.

What would you do?

I think it's legitimate to talk about it again and say how you're really worried, especially as he grabbed hold of you. You might (or not) want to read the tragic story of Mr and Mrs Thomas to illustrate the point. As a fellow nightmare sufferer (although I don't get physical) I've had to adjust my evening routine, avoiding certain foods, finding ways to relax... and he may need help doing something similar.

Hi, I think you should talk to him. Maybe say you read something about it, it reminded you of him (there was something on embarrassing bodies that i am sure you could look up)... bring it up sort of gently? There is medication available for night terrors, if you could convince him to go to his GP, maybe it would help if you went too as you'd be better explaining exactly what goes on. Good luck! x

Hiya, I have night terrors. They vary in severity from thinking there are spiders / insects in the bed, to a man being in the room to attack me. I've woke up to find myself straddling an ex with my hands round his throat! I imagine it must be incredibly scary for someone dealing with this.

For me the terrors are not related to any event / food / trigger. They are related to the amount of shadows in the room that my subconscious plays on in that first hour or do of sleep. I have found covering those little standby lights (or turning them off where possible) and having blackout blinds has helped a lot!

The best reaction from co sleepers is generally to not react (difficult I know!), I find when I come round I am absolutely terrified, shaking, heart racing but this passes very quickly! I also go straight back to sleep. My current boyf (7yrs so numb to it) so etimes wants to talk at night about it but I find this too much, also as i come out of a terror I generally feel a bit silly, so just want to forget them! I can laugh about them the next day though..

I'm not sure how you'd approach this with someone who doesn't want to talk about it though? Maybe try when you're actually snuggled up in bed at night So it's not as much of a big deal?

Good luck!!

Crap, I've just read that article! That's what I was doing to my ex!!!! I guess I should be thankful I snap out quickly. Awful.

Hi, my partner suffers from these too!! He's woke me up in the middle of the night screaming that there's gorillas waiting for him outside the bedroom door, he sees things walking around our room, once he woke me shouting that he knew about my plan to get my new boyfriend to shoot him!!

We laughed about it, however final straw was when we had kids and he lifted out DD out of her cot in his sleep. I was horrified that he might drop her/bang her head/ bring her into bed and roll on her so told him he must see a doctor. They put him on Prozac (he's never had any depression or mental illness) and they have done the trick, we haven't had any problems since!

I have night terrors too...terrifying at the time...and I wake up with my heart pounding, sometimes jump right out of the bed and sometimes deafening screaming. Once my pulse has calmed down I just get back to sleep without much trouble. My DS11 has them too - don't know if there is a genetic link. When things were really bad with ex, I was getting them almost every night. Now it's rare. But I think for me it's usually more general stress-related than an insight into something specific being wrong. There's not really anything to talk about, as such. I used to try to wake up my DS when he had them (very difficult...he'd be sobbing but virtually un-rousable) but I've since read that getting woken up does not help. He never remembers having them, what they are about and he's never anxious or bothered come the morning.

I have them too, and also never remember them in the morning at all. So he probably won't remember what happened, and so you do need to talk to him.
In my case, DH never tries to wake me as it doesn't help, and I go straight back to sleep straight away, and wake the next morning, blissfully unaware!
I have to be told what daft things I've done (crawling backwards over the bed to escape from 'it' - whatever 'it' is, running into the wardrobe) but if you are concerned about him physically attacking you then you must discuss as he will need to see the doctor.

An ex of mine has these.
Awful for him but he is too embarrassed to seek help

You should definitely try and talk to him OP

My EXH suffered from this and it got so bad he was having them in the day time when daydreaming.

I use to cradle him and wake he very gently by saying his name and just cuddle him till he fell asleep again. When we spilt up he had to go to the doctors about it as there was no one to wake him, he has AD's now and it has helped he said.

Definatly talk to him, good luck