Is everyone in the world selfish??????

[chubbymomie2012]

I am truly fed up with breaking my back helping people and being there for people and getting no thanks and getting nothing but shit when things don't go according to plan. I have spent the best part of 4 months listening and being around for a grieving friend. I do all the childcare and housework in my home Dp only has to go to work. He even stays away 2-3 nights a week so gets full nights sleep. My youngest is a very wry bad sleeper. He (Dp) gets all the lie ins and usually breakfast in bed at weekend. Which I will hold my hand up is my fault for doing it. I look after our 4 DC's to best of my ability and now they r spoilt. They were all sick last week and I run round like an eejit looking after them. I do a lot for my parents too in terms of odd jobs and messages. All of these things I do with a heart and a half because I really want to be a good wife, mother , daughter etc.
BUT!
Today I'm sick. Really feeling poorly. Where is everyone? Said friend is out shopping, my parents are at home and when I rang to say I was I'll they changed the subject. Sister is busy with her "life" and my Dp is at work and ignoring my text about feeling I'll!
So I'm feeling sorry for myself cos I'm sick and no one seems to give a shit. I'd so love an hours sleep. My two youngest are playing nicely here older 2 at school. I have no energy. Should I tell people I'm pissed off or just be more obvious about asking for help / time out?
(Sorry for the rant) does anyone else feel like this?

Tell husband how you feel, but as for the other people, I wouldn't do that much for them in the future knowing just how much they care! Do they know you're ill though? They could just be unaware how ill you are.

Make sure you allow dcs to have chores too. They will dvp into responsible adults that way. And as for your other half, stop spoiling him and let him know how tired you're and ask him to pull his weight too.

Hope you feel better soon

Tell people you're pissed off. The trouble with being the type that does everything for everyone is that you become wallpaper... taken for granted. 'Don't worry about lumping more stuff on chubbymomie2012" they say "she seems to like it". No thanks. No appreciation. What you end up with is a spoilt, lazy, ungrateful family and friends all taking advantage of your willingness to do everything. If you act like a doormat... expect people to walk all over you.

So you have to exercise your 'no' muscle, start putting yourself #1 far more often in your own life, make others pull their weight and, as my granny would have put it, 'stop being so bloody soft' .... and I mean that in a nicely gruff Northern way. :)

Have you just hinted about not feeling well, or actually asked for help ?

I used to feel a bit hard done by, until a friend told me that i had a to be a bit more forthcoming when i needed something from someone ( hated asking for help) now, i just ask and have found that people love doing favours for others.

One friend said it made her feel needed and another said it meant she would feel not so bad if she ever had to ask me for help in return.

Also if your DH is like mine then you have to bluntly say " i can't do this today, i'm going to need some help" that help could just be the school run, or making dinner, or whatever but always takes the pressure off.

Good luck and get well soon x

Thnks ladies. My no muscle is suffering from under use. I did tell my mother I was I'll but she just went in about how tired she was. Sister is childless and hates coming here cos she says its too noisy! I'm not very good at asking DP for help but think I need to start cos today I feel really shitty. He's working away and not due back till late but I'm gonna text him to come home. Not sure how that will be received.

Why are you worried about how it'll be received? You're sick. You need help. He's supposed to be your loving partner..... If he gets nasty with you then he's not much of a man is he?

You don't seem to have a great relationship with DP. It seems like you are doing him the lovely breakfasts in bed yet walking on eggshells on how he will receive the news that you're ill.

It's not enough to say you're ill. Ill covers a broad spectrum of things. You need to say 'I'm really ill and I need some help today. Please can you help me do X, Y or Z.'

I really hate to say it, but you are sounding a bit doormattish. Time to get tough with everyone.

I know!!! I bloody hate doormats too! I hate people who feel sorry for themselves too! I need to man up. I txt him to say I needed him home and he said he'd be he as soon as he can. He told me I can go to bed when he gets home. He was fine and I don't know why I said wasn't sure how it would be received.......prob because I never ask for anything usually.
Anyway he's coming home and I'm going to bed....... Just need to try to ditch this Guilty feeling now!!!! YOU SEE??? That's what a catholic convent school does to you!!!

Yeah, I went to one of those. But I managed to ditch the guilt, so I'm sure you can too!!!

(The nuns were lovely, but hardly capable of teaching someone how to stand up for thsemselves!!!)

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?

Am not surprised to see that you mention self esteem; your self worth is likely to be through the floor anyway as you have been taught by others to become a people pleaser. It was not just the convent school environment that was at fault here.

There is nothing wrong with helping others but you need to reassess your own boundaries here because currently others are trampling all over any that you care to set.

Guilt is for the birds :) I think you have to make a conscious effort from now on to remember that a family is a team, they're all capable of pulling their weight and you can back off from doing so much. Count to 10 rather than automatically agreeing to do everything..... work out if it's necessary or if someone can do more for themselves.

Flipping it around a little, is there something in your schedule that you do just for you? A hobby or activity that you can do away from your family, purely for your own enjoyment? I wouldn't be surprised if you said 'no'. Very important for you to be seen by your family as a person in your own right and with their own interests rather than just the menial picker up of socks etc....

Cogito.. No I do absol nothing for me. Even a trip to the dentist is a chore cos I have to find someone to mind babies. I will ask mum and dad toons babies if I need dentist or hairdressers but I'm made to feel like they are doing me a massive favour. So I just think f**k it I'll do it myself I don't need them. I have to bite my tongue because forever I have just wanted a quiet life and the lazy cow in me thinks its easier rondo things myself than to start explaining how its done to someone else who wants to help.
I know sound pathetic. Think I will start by having a chat with DP.

You need to find something that you do just for you. A night school class, an activity, a session at the gym, a book group.... it doesn't matter. It's vital for your self-esteem and it's also vital that your DP, family and everyone else see you walk out of that door, knowing that you have a life of your own and that you're not just some domestic appliance put on the earth to serve others.