Moving away with child without tellin exp?

[Ieathatsforbreakfast]

I'm going to keep this as vague as I can without drip feeding so I don't out myself in real life so I hope it makes sense.

We (me and ds) are moving out of the area (if it all goes well) within the next month. I don't know how to tell exP or when.

The situation with contact at the moment is he sees ds once a week for two hours ish supervised by me in my home. It's not court ordered supervised, just something we agreed together due to something in his past I'm not sure he lied about (which would affect ds safety) but exP thinks its supervised because of my anxiety about being apart from ds. I've offered him midweek visits too but he's never taken me up on them (until last week when he did come an extra day). This has been going on since October last year.

The move is 100 miles and is to be near family support which is necessary for me atm. I'm under the care of health professionals who have also recommended the move as a way to help me get better. Neither of us drive but we would live right near a train station so transport is easily doable.

I don't know how to tell exP though. My dad is worried for my safety and is concerned that if I tell him before we move, that exP may do something silly. He's hurt me before but only slightly when provoked so I'm not sure whether he would do anything. I am concerned that if I don't tell him before we move, its unfair on him. But at the same time I'm scared that he will fight it and delay the move and that my health will decline even more to the point of not being able to look after ds.

I'm just looking for advice, any advice, on the situation because I feel like my head is going to explode with the worry.

I agree with botandbothered with no proof, evidence or recordings of incidences etc you may find yourself away from your son much much more and it'd be unsupervised unless you prove why it shouldn't be. Im not sure I'd leave on bad terms for this alone, especially as you seem to offer more opinions/fears rather than evidence against him iyswim.

I don't have any proof. I didn't tell the health professionals who work with me as I was scared social care would get involved and I was worried more about that than anything else at the time. Ds is nearly one year old which I think makes him old enough for weekend access? I am scared of that though because of something in exp past, he was basically accused of a crime against a child when younger and police were involved. He won't tell me how far the accusation went (he "doesn't remember") and I don't know how to find out myself. It's such a horrible situation and I feel like I have to choose between moving getting better and my ds having to stay with someone every other weekend who I have concerns about. It's so difficult.

Is he on the birth certificate?

Yes he's on the birth certificate.

Surely if he asks for unsupervised contact you can ask the police / SS to check out whatever it is he 'can't remember'?

I think it's wrong to plan to take a child away from one of their parents secretly. It's cruel to the parent and the child.

You don't own your son and he has a right to a relationship with his father.

But this is assuming that your son is safe, and until you get to the bottom of the 'incident' from the past you can't really make a judgement about that.

Ask the police to check things out in relation to the past allegations. You may have some entitlement to know. Say you are about to leave and think there might be trouble from ex. Log the past DV incidents also. Make sure you are not alone when you tell him you are leaving. Phone the police if necessary.

I think you need to speak to the police.

Call the 101 number. Explain that your ex wants unsupervised access to your child, but that he was accused of crime against a child, but you don't know the details. They should come back to you if they have concerns.

You need to do this ASAP. Really you should not have left it until now.
If the police consider him a risk to your DS then they will contact Social services. Social services will assess the situation and maybe suggest a contact centre for access,if they feel your son could be at risk.
This would be a much better set up for you as you wouldn't have any contact with your ex, but would know your son was safe and supervised.

I understand that you may be reluctant to do this as you have not been well and probably don't want Social sevices involved, however moving closer to your family support would probably be seen as a really positive thing, and they may be able to provide any extra support you need.