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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating "separated" man

35 replies

theendishere · 07/02/2013 11:41

met someone online, been chatting for weeks and met up a few days ago. he seems nice - genuine and kind, and is keen for a second date.
However whilst he is separated from his wife (daid he got decree nisi a few weeks ago) he and his ex still haven't sorted out all their finances, etc although he said he called a solicitor to find out what info was needed to get an consent order drafted.
I am in a similar position albeit further on as ex and I still live in the same house, but the house it up for sale and i'm on the lookout for somewhere new.

I guess I'm just a little wary, but I know (from my own situation too) that many people do live in the same house (albeit separately) until matters are resolved. Any thoughts? Am I being over cautious?!

OP posts:

chubbymomie2012 · 07/02/2013 13:09

Do you not need to have your finances agreed way before u get your decree nisi??? I'm getting divorced and I can't move to next step because knobhead ex won't settle financially. Is he telling you the truth??! Be careful. Xx

OneMoreGo · 07/02/2013 13:49

What Dahlen said.

Helltotheno · 07/02/2013 14:06

OP i guess it's not that clear what you're asking. If as you say, all you're doing is dating and you've stated that you don't intend to get in too deep or live with him or have him live with you etc etc, can't you just keep going in the same vein if that's what you want?

I think the problem is your first post reads like you want to get serious with him, in fact like it already is serious. And in the circs you describe on both sides, there's no way I'd be getting serious with someone in that scenario.

Charbon · 07/02/2013 17:12

You've got absolutely no corroborated evidence that he is separated from his wife. You met him online and you've only had one date. He says he's got the decree nisi, but as others have pointed out, the details he's given you don't stack up.

If he's willing to give you the benefit of the doubt about your separated status, that's his look-out. He might be someone who isn't actually too bothered if that's not the case. None of that means that you have to match his lack of curiosity, does it?

LemonDrizzled · 07/02/2013 18:16

Chubby you don't have to have the Financial Consent order signed before the Decree Nisi. But it is best to have it done before the Absolute or you don't have any leverage.

I met my DP when he was still "just separated" and so was I. We are almost through the process of becoming single again. If I waited till I was single to date I would be very sex-starved!!

Just go with the flow OP and enjoy some dates! You will soon find out if he is really free to enjoy your company

something2say · 07/02/2013 19:13

I left a long term ex and was quite young and in London so I ended up going into a house share with a load of younger men. One left and another came. I went headlong into this amazing summer of fun with these new people and they were all really tall. Nothing ever came of it and of course I crash landed after about four months but it was amazing fun and I remember it fondly.

I think if she wants to go out and shake her tail after a shit or stuff marriage, good for her. It mat not last, so what? As long as she's not hurting anyone.

The op tho, I do think what the others are saying is true tho. After the dust has settled try and find the headspace to be alone and to have loads of time to think and decide what to do next. Having a flung is fine but your life matters and deserves thoughts I you don't clock another one up if you know what I mean. I have learnt to think about what ai am doing as I want to have a successful relationship and the only person who can lead me to that is me and my thinking. I think this is what they are saying. X

kalidanger · 07/02/2013 19:21

She's had a fling before though, and started loads of threads with the same 'slow down' responses

Lovingfreedom · 07/02/2013 19:24

They were all really tall....Lol....go for it

something2say · 07/02/2013 20:16

Sorry yes that is a strange way to describe them all!! I have many other memories of course, I don't know why I said that haha!

Walkacrossthesand · 07/02/2013 20:58

OP, I checked out your thread about previous BF - it looks like you split from ExH late 2011, got involved with BF few months later, (that started last summer, ?ended early Nov), you were very unhappy about being 'alone' on NYE and now you've been chatting to this guy for several weeks. All throughout, there have been MNers advising a period (how does a year sound?!) of Not Looking, and focussing on getting your sense of self, from yourself. Do you thinknyou could contemplate that?

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