Slept with my brothers friend...

[Movingforward123]

So I already posted about this on the dating thread but it's still playing on my mind!

I recently went out with my brother and his friends, I slept with one of his friends! The guy did say to me he found me attractive for sometime but felt we shouldn't sleep together because of my brother. And if I was interested in him that it might be different if we started dating etc but not to just sleep together. Anyway by the end of the night he changed his mind and we slept together.

We were texting after that then spoke on the phone and I sad that I was not comfortable telling my brother and said we would just be friends.

My brother is very over protective and immature and as I don't see this as a relationship but just some fun I know my brother would not be happy about it! And would probably fall out with me and his best friend.

Anyway the sex was quite good, much better then I've had for a while and now I feel annoyed that I can't see this guy because of my brother.

His friend told me that he had previously told my brother he thought I was really nice and he found me attractive. And said that my brother could be ok with us seeing each other. So he did sound interested. And I would like to see him again but I don't want anyone to know.

I'm always very private about my sex life and as I have been single for a few years (bar casual relationships) then I don't want my whole family to know if im seeing this guy.

Anyway sorry for rambling but I just wanted to chat about it!

I know that what's most on your mind right now is wanting to see this guy again, but seriously, your number one concern should be that you are afraid of your brother to such an extent that you are willing to limit your own life because of it.

Seriously: that is not ok.

If he "overreacts" that is down to his issues: it is not your concern, and you should be willing to ignore what he says/thinks of you (but you are not: why?)

Neither he nor anyone else can influence what you do with your life and body. Time to start believing it!

Who runs your life, Moving: you, or your family?

Locket - I would never tell him that that was for one of the posters on the tread as they asked.

Meditrina - I would like a relationship, but I havnt met anyone that I want a proper relationship with. And have been single for a while and don't want to remain celibate until I find the perfect man.

Hot - what you said makes sense to me, but my family are quite crazy people, I have always been different to them as in I don't try to tell them what to do, even though I disagree with a lot of things they all do. I just accept them as they are.

But it's hard to move away from their controlling behaviour sometimes as that's how I grew up.

You're not just "accepting them as they are," though: you're also accepting their view of how you should behave. In this instance, for example, you are allowing your brother's view of who you should or should not be sleeping determine whether or not you should continue sleeping with/seeing this man.

You may be "accepting" them, Moving, but you're not accepting your own wants and needs, are you?

I know it's hard to break away from that when it's all you know, but surely you must see that break away from their world view you must, for your own wellbeing and sanity?

Ah, so your brother IS a controlling knobhead.

That's awful. You need to start trying to move away from their hold on your life. You are an adult and you can decide for yourself who to sleep with, without it turning into an Eastenders style drama.

I'd keep looking: you may have had a good time, but he wasn't that keen in the first place (initially said 'no' - leading me to wonder what on earth happened to change his mind - and later said 'no' again). The stuff about your brother might simply be an attempt to give you a face-saving reason for a rejection, rather than 'I don't fancy you enough'.

You've both said you should leave it. Draw a line, and find someone who wants you enough he'll be considering you, not his mate who happens to be related to you.

I agree with Meditrina. You both seem pretty half-hearted about it.

I hate to butt it but wouldnt this forum say the complete oppisite thing if the shoe was on the other foot as in the brother dating/ casaul sex with the sister best friend and how totally out of order the brother was etc and how could he betray his sister by sleeping with her best friend etc

OP how would you feel if your brother started to sleep/ date your best friend and use how you feel about that situation to base your judgement on wither to pursue this casual fling / possible relaintionship

I'd say the same for either sex.