Are some people not capable of really enjoying sex or could it be something else?

[ConfessionsOfACivilServant]

Sorry if this isn't in the right topic I wasn't sure where to put it.

Basically I have never been able to orgasim and have been thinking lately is it just that I am not built that way? My DMum told me when I was a teenager that she didn't enjoy sex, could I have just taken after her?

Also can childhood abuse have an effect on this as well? My brother had to leave the family home when I was a child due to things happening, my mind seems to have blocked out what it was but I do remember the day my DMum walked in on us.

I am very much single at the moment but I am nervous about meeting somebody as my exH used to make a really big deal about it and turn it around to feel sorry for himself. I think being with him made me worse to be honest as when I did start to enjoy it he would come really quickly and then tell me it was because I had that affect on him.

Sorry if this shouldn't be here but I don't have anybody I can talk to about this type of thing.

Ok OP. Lots of things going on here, abuse by sibling just might be significant. I would suggest back to the wall heart to heart with DM if she is alive, then, very possibly, counselling

Oh god no I couldn't bring this up with my DMum, I love her but we really don't talk about stuff like this. Why could I go for counselling?

That was supposed to be where could I go for counselling?

NHS information on sex therapy
www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1683.aspx?CategoryID=68

Successful orgasm is a delicate balance of a lot of mental things .... relaxation, focus, trust, intimacy, desire, confidence ... quite aside from the physical. If any one of those things gets interrupted or disrupted, orgasm is impossible. Like running down a stair-case - get distracted or overthink the action and you fall. Negative associations from the past can be enough to hold you back. So can criticism & insensitivity from a partner. Counselling would almost certainly help ... but so would a sensitive, patient partner.

Thank you. My exH used to take it very personally, like there must be something wrong with him. I had counselling when I little but could probably do with some now.

I told my exH about what happened with my brother and he didn't understand. He kept saying how can I not remember and how I should have regression therapy as how can he know me if he doesn't know what happened.

The thing is at the moment I am single and I can't really meet somebody and say we need to go to therapy can I?

Whilst you are single could you not explore your body yourself?

We are all different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Someone people just do not enjoy sex, and that too is fine.

If you can make yourself orgasm, with or without toys, then it might help you feel more relaxed and confident when you do meet somebody.

All sorts of areas can be involved in a orgasm. nippples, feet, breasts, stomach, legs, inside thighs. - it is not just about clitoris and vaginas!

Take some time out to get to know what YOU like, where it feels good to touch, stroke, vibrate etc. Remember there is no right or wrong way.