is he selfish?

[l38h]

need some advice pls. My partner goes out every wknd, mostly until 5/6 in the morning & never tells me he is going until last min. I feel very alone when it comes to the house / children as i do everything myself (DIY, gardening, all aspects of childcare, cleaning, you name it). I am 7mnths pregnant with dd no3 & he just blames me & makes me feel guilty when i get angry about our situation. he will sometimes takes the children out for the afternoon on a sat but only if he doesn't have plans of his own like football or seeing friends. He returned home early yesterday from a conference & rather than pick up the children while i was at work he spent the whole day in the pub. I stayed at my parents to avoid an argument & he was supposed to pick up our dd & take her to nursery the next morn but just never showed up. she had to miss nursery as i had midwife appt & cannot drive so could not physically do both. I only work 2days a week & he does contribute more financially, am i being unreasonable?

Pretend I wrote your OP. what advice would you give me?

I think you know he's selfish

I'm sorry.

Rather than selfish I think he is a bad parent who has no sense of responsibility for them. Neither do I think he has any respect for you or more importantly your partnership. He sees you as the person who looks after the children/house and he can do anything he wishes. He may be also using finances as a way to control you.

What do you get from this marriage, apart from your children?

Yes.

He's a selfish prick.

thanks for the advice all. it does seem rather obvious when written down in front of me, he is very good with the children in terms of having fun & playing with them but it is only when it suits him. the truth is i am scared of how a break up will affect them & i don't want to hurt them but Lueji the answer to your question is that i get pretty much nothing apart from the kids x

It will affect them badly if they grew up to think this is acceptable behaviour and may think it is ok to do the same thing? things may get worse and wear you down and they may suffer? you may not be as happy staying as you would be apart and therefore not as happy with them?
Only you can decide how it would affect them but think of it both ways. How it would be if you stayed as well as how it would affect them if you left.

The thing is, he's doing very much what he pleases and not bothering much about you or the children.

If you make him choose between actually being a husband and a father (which he has supposedly chosen when he married you and had children with you) and a bachelor, it's his choice.
It's not your decision.

You could have much less work (I presume you take care of his clothes, food, and clean up after him) and could be with someone who actually enjoys you and the children.

I'm sure the children will be happier.
And he may end up spending more time with them.

"I am 7mnths pregnant with dd no3 & he just blames me & makes me feel guilty when i get angry about our situation"

Not only selfish but a pretty nasty, uncaring piece of work into the bargain. I note you mention your relatively small financial contribution somehow making his behaviour justified.... I'm guessing that's the spin he puts on it. How are you fixed financially? Are you, for example, on the deeds and mortgage of any property? Do you have your own bank accounts and full access to the family finances? As you are his partner rather than DW it's important to have all of the above in place in the event of a split.

I don't even know where to start

If you got rid of him it'd be like having one less baby to look after.

By any chance are his friends all single?

O dear. It's not just that he gives you nothing, he actively and deliberately detracts from your happiness. If you have a supportive family I would leave today.

He's a twat.

You're not doing your children any favours by staying with him.

What kind of support do you have?

thanks all, sometimes u need to see other ppls views, luckily i do have family & friends who will support me whatever happens. i have made a couple of appointments today with cab & also with relate. at least now i am sure there is a problem & its not just me so i can take positive steps for the future x

how can you even ASK ? He sounds irredeemably horrible; a total entitled selfish manchild..

I'm glad you have supportive family. He needs a serious wake up call

In reply to your question = YES! he sounds like a complete selfish bastard!

You shouldn't have to drag the Dc to your parents 'to avoid an argument' You should kick his self absorbed entitled arse out to avoid one.
If he doesn't respect you all enough and treat you as family then he doesn't fucking deserve to part of one.

Good luck OP, well done for putting a support structure in place.

I am at a loss that you even ask whether you are being unreasonable.

The negatives that you list are all unacceptable behaviour that show he is an awful, awful husband and father.

Let's look at the positives: he has fun with the children when he wants to, and he has an income. Well, anyone can have fun and play with children when they are in the mood to. And he has to contribute financially for the upkeep of his children whether or not they live with him.

He is a jackass, and a drain on your time, enrgy and emotions, OP. Get rid of him, get yourself some freedom to focus your time, energy and emotions on the people who deserve it: yourself and your DC.

Does not seem like he wants to be a family man tbh and is living like a single lad. Did you discuss your plans for how you saw the future developing together? An important part of deciding weather a relationship has legs, is to check that each of you are on the same page before you embark on something as serious as parenting. It's clear that you both have very different ideas of what you want out of life.
Time to start talking with each other about the future from here on and what would make each of you happiest and what roles you want to play in family life, weather that is together or apart. It's a too late to decide that the future is crap when you get there, but you can start to plan ahead for the kind of life you want in the future. If he is unwilling to change his ways, you still have the power to instigate change in your own life, you don't have to put up with the status quo, but you may need to see a life without someone so unsupportive can be worse than a life on your own, directed by yourself.