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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do you no that its time to call it a day?

11 replies

emmasenior · 06/02/2013 11:34

I've been with my partner for over 4 years now. He's a nice person, super hard worker & a good dad... On the other hand he's a cheat. Well an online cheat, hes not met up with anyone (that i know ov) hes not actually kissed anyone or slept with anyone else but he gets his jollies online to other women sometimes via porn and sometimes via chat rooms websites. Now the pron it doesnt bother me but the chat sites & msn & facebook...that bothers me. Should it?
I thought he had stopped I havnt found anything for about 6 months. Thats another point... I have no trust in him. I have no respect for him. We have no foundations. Can we build a relationship on just love? If it was me reading this I would say no.
My children are the most important thing to me. If i could make it work I would, but I dont no that it would be better for them in the long run. He a good person like everyone he has his faults. If we did split would I ever find someone better.
HELP PLEASE...

OP posts:
Dryjuice25 · 06/02/2013 12:09

You will find someone better. He can't have his cake and it eat. Only single people do what he is doing. He has no respect for you. Are you allowed to do what he is doing or is there one rule for him and a different one for you?

This relationship sounds like a joke to him and he is not in love with you because if he genuinely was, then he would have a bit of respect for how you feel about it, assuming he knows you resent this behaviour.

Original poster
emmasenior · 06/02/2013 12:24

Yes he knows I dont approve. Thanks for the feedback.

OP posts:
Dryjuice25 · 06/02/2013 12:44

There is your answer! "...he knows I dont approve" There will be a lot of things you wont approve in your relationship with him and he will go ahead and do them anyway.

He is very selfish, entitled, disrespectiful and utterly vile. He has complete disregard for what you feel and you will never be able to trust this guy. I would call it a day now if I was you. I wouldn't allow myself to go through all those hurtful emotions for someone who gives no toss about how I feel. So not worth it.

frustratedashell · 06/02/2013 12:45

Im sorry but if you have dont trust or respect him I think its over. I have learnt that love is not enough. There has to be MUTUAL trust, respect, understanding, consideration.
You should separate the 2 issues. He is not giving you what you need and deserve. Whether or not someone else would be better is somewhat irrelevant.
He does not make you happy. There is a good chance that you will meet someone else that does. Dont stay with him because you think hes the only option!

frustratedashell · 08/02/2013 11:41

Emmasenior are you ok?

izzyizin · 08/02/2013 11:59

If we did split would I ever find someone better

Statements such as this fill me with despair

Do you believe your life can only be validated by having a man in it?

Do you not know it's possible to create a rich, rewarding, and fulfillling life for yourself and that you don't need to be half of a couple to enjoy it?

MerlotAndMe · 08/02/2013 17:05

It depends how brave you are i think. not how bad it is.

MerlotAndMe · 08/02/2013 17:13

I left knowing i probably wouldnt meet somebody else. i left to be away from him.
he (op's h) doesnt sound all that nice to me. it is a masssive turn off for me; knowing a man views women like that. it would def turn me off sex. mind u pornlover men go off sex with a real woman very often .

Alittlestranger · 08/02/2013 17:18

I stayed in a relationship that I knew was dead for far, far too long. Why? Because the idea of being alone scared me. I literally didn't know what I'd do with myself and would panic at the prospect whenever I seriously began to face up to the fact my relationship was pants.

Now I do know and it's great. It wasn't even my choice to end the dead relationship and I still think it's the best thing that happened to me in the past ten years.

Oh and I haven't met anyone else. Maybe I won't for a really long time. But it turns out that's not that big a deal. It's just really nice not to be in a relationship that isn't making anyone happy.

MerlotAndMe · 08/02/2013 17:49

I agree. being single is not the horror so many unhappily married women perceive it to be.

why are women so afraid of being single! ?

kateissotired · 08/02/2013 18:19

If you have lost respect for him then it is going to be difficult, if not impossible to make this work without resenting creeping in. Do not focus on finding someone better, not yet. Focus on being happy with yourself. I got given the heave ho last November and whilst it was hard and quite a shock, slowly things are turning around and now it is exciting doing the things I want to do without having to consider him, or not having the constant low level resentment of him showing me no consideration or empathy.

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