How do I stop being stubborn?

[missmaryp]

I'm sure I can't be the only person who has been in this position, so I'm looking for some words of wisdom / comparative tales please.

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years. To begin with it was the most wonderful relationship I have ever been part of, he made me feel completely loved - I internally mocked my ex who'd told me my expectations were too high, that I desired a Hollywood romance that didn't exist, because - this was it, I was living it!

We moved in together and life got in the way. That's fine. However, as he has now admitted, he got smug, arrogant and lazy - he took me for granted, stopped kissing me, stopped paying me attention, stopped being intimate, sex became sparse and not particularly intimate when it happened etc

I told him this was happening, I asked for him to sort it out - but apparently he just didn't think he'd ever lose me.

(Well why the f* not?!)

Anyway, we've got to the point where my barriers have gone up and low and behold, he finally realises he has been a rubbish boyfriend, has apologised lots and his trying his absolute best. It's everything I've ever wanted like my boyfriend, or my boyfriends love for me at least has been switched on.

But my barrier won't go down. Whenever he softly strokes my face or hair - although it feels nice - it's tainted by a niggle in the back of my head saying 'but why haven't you been doing this for the past two years'?

Without meaning to sound melodramatic, it feels like he has blown my light out. I want it to be reignited. How the hell do I stop being such a stubborn madam so it can be?

Think of it like ripping off a plaster

It's gonna hurt, but it's better to do it quick before you change your mind

I told him this was happening, I asked for him to sort it out - but apparently he just didn't think he'd ever lose me.

(Well why the f* not?!)

?yes, exactly...

You've gone into this relationship thinking that all those expressions of love and caring, whatever they were, meant he loved and cared (perfectly reasonable).

He's gone into the relationship thinking that if he puts on a good show of love and caring, he'll get a partner, and that's the job sorted.

So perhaps that's why the 'new him' is not cutting any ice now. You see you've been had. :( He said as much ? 'I didn't think I'd lose you', rather than, 'sorry I haven't been paying you much attention, it's because of x.'

If he'd said the latter I don't think you'd have even posted here. It's not just lack of affection though, is it? Smug, arrogant and lazy doesn't really describe a loving partner in a bad patch. Something has indeed blown the light out.

I thought I might be able to 'pretend' for a few months, see how I felt but I don't think I can do it. His texts don't make me smile, I don't particularly want to do anything with him. I think I know it's going to end

As others say then it is too little too late.

He has done the damage.

Good luck with whatever you do.