This is long so bear with me.
I have a friend who I’ve known for about 12 years. We worked for the same company and would regularly go to lunch etc. There was never anything more than friendship between us. He’s a nice guy and I’d do anything for him but wouldn’t sleep with him if he was the last man on earth iyswim?
Anyway we remained friends even when I moved away and when me and dh came back here we started going to lunch again etc. he went through a very difficult time in his life healthwise and became very down. Most of his friends pretty much gave up on him because he withdrew into himself and didn’t communicate much with anyone, apart from me. I called and emailed weekly while he was off work and was there for him on msn etc, he did actually get to a point where he said he didn’t know what he would do without me and that talking to me was one of the few things he looked forward to. Anyway he got a bit better and came back to work and it was about then that he met a girl online and started a relationship with her. It was about this time that I fell pregnant with DS. My friend again had a recurrence of his health problems and he had to take extended sick leave. I had DS about then and we didn’t speak as much. Then he pretty much stopped communicating. I would email but he rarely replied, he would send out group emails to his friends telling of his marriage etc, but never replied if I responded. Then me and DH decided to move, so I wrote to tell him. Almost as soon as I said I was moving, he said he wanted to come and visit, so he and his wife came to see me. It was then that he told me he was terminally ill and had been given three years to live. I was totally shocked of course. For the next couple of months we met up almost every week, in fact it was as if he and his wife couldn’t get enough of my company. Then me and dh decided not to move, and almost instantly, my friend and his wife disappeared out of my life again, very very strange, even my mum/dh noticed how quickly they disappeared as soon as we said we weren’t moving.
Anyway, I do still email him but it usually takes weeks for him to reply, what concerns me is that if his health is deteriorating, if he’s going to die, he might die and I might never know. I don’t want to confront him as to his lack of contact etc, as if he’s ill he really has enough to contend with already, and he knows where I am if he needs/wants to talk to me. But I’m just a bit unsure as to what to do really. Part of me thinks that the friendship is obviously a bit one-sided, but he's not usually been like that, part of me has wondered if his dw is perhaps jealous? She’s a very strange woman, and pretty much babies my friend which is quite sad really, but I wondered if perhaps she was happy for us to be friends while she thought I was leaving but now that I’m not she’s not so happy for that to happen? All I want is for him to know that I'm there, even if it's not on his doorstep every day if that makes sense? I want him to know that I was always his friends, when he dies I don't want him ever thinking that I wasn't there - I'm rambling now I know ..Any thoughts?