Cordelia I utterly sympathise.
I have been with my husband for 8 year (8 years yesterday actually, shit, I forgot!) and also live far away from everyone but with no toddler. We?re fairly happy most of the time.
I?ve so often tried to write about it to get my feelings out as I feel the same with the emotional cheating. The difference for me is that it?s a guy at work, who works for a company reporting into me. I know he?s single. He knows I?m married. We?re about to move to the city I work in, where he lives and we know nobody apart from my colleagues and due to the country and type of company I work for, there?s not exactly many people at work to go for a beer with (he?s a fellow Brit). He?s offered to show us both where the best nightlife is, take husband on lads nights out etc.
I try to avoid having to deal with him as much as possible. However, unfortunately out of the team he?s working in he?s the best at his job (which I?m sad to say, does attract me geek ) so if I need things doing, if I ring anyone else it takes a week and numerous calls, whereas him, he gets it done immediately and follows up on things as it should be done.
I?ve even tried to convince my boss to move me onto other projects, but he?s working as my external project manager on 5 of my 12 projects so its not that easy. I?m trying to disengage and keep it purely work related, but he?s just so fucking nice what a bastard. I wish he was a bastard, it?d make life easier so its easy to end up in proper conversations, the type that I couldn?t have with anyone else in the office (I?m the only Brit in my department, and we share a common sporting interest which even my husband doesn?t share)
Nothing will ever come of this. I will never act on it. I love my husband far too much. And like you say there?s no way he?d ever look twice at me. I know he?s only trying to charm me because I?m his client and is not actually interested. Not that I?m interested in anything actually happening, but if I was single I?d be finding it difficult to maintain my professional position and our conflict of interest policy?
I know that doesn?t help you and your predicament, but I hope it helps you feel less like a complete cow knowing that someone else is as much of a cow struggling too. I don?t know how I?d ever bring it up with my husband and I don?t know what there is to gain from that. Obviously you know your own husband and how he?s likely to react, but I know mine would be gutted. I think in some ways he would see it as unfaithfulness and he?d be devastated.
Is there any way of stopping him coming round? Does he just pop round unexpected so you can?t plan to be out? Would it be obvious if you were never there?