Mind games.....how does he get inside my head and twist everything...!?

[Oddsox2]

Aarrgh, horrible Monday...

My abusive husband has got right inside my head tonight! After years of EA, some physical (last time 2009) I finally found the strength to finish things last Sept.

We have been bumbling along ever since living separate lives whilst I try and save as much as I can to divorce the man.

I had a night out last Sat, bearing in mind he controlled when I went out in the past by using his job as an excuse in that he my/may not be home in tie to look after DS, anyway since we've separated he immediately cut off financially other than paying the mortgage and some bills, I guess thinking it would make me realise what I'm missing but it's worked in reverse. I am making my little salary stretch and I love that he can't control me with money anymore.

But after my night out Saturday he text me today and told me if I can afford nights out I can afford to give him more money for the bills, and he's not my "on call" babysitter...!

This is the man who works 6 days a week fom 8am till 10pm (own business so I can't prove if he's actually working that late every night), I can't believe he compared looking after his son to babysitting!

It escalated from that to berating me for not putting enough effort into our marriage when my parents died, and worrying about everyone instead, then saying that he only "pushed me" on the night our neighbours had to call the police..... Er no, you dragged me through the house by my hair, ripped my dress, bruised both my arms, cut my nose and gave me 2 black eyes! How can that suddenly become a push in his mind???

He said I need to stop playing the victim.....

Worse thing is I am sat here thinking should I have put more effort in with my marriage when my parents died? I was pregnant and I was trying to make sure my younger bothers were safe and secure, and my mum (dad died first) and then I lost mum in 2011 and eloped my younger brothers get a rented house together etc.

I hate how he does this to me....I'm sat here feeling guilty and I don't know why!!

X

because you are programmed to take the blame, you did it all through your marriage and did everything to make it work.

And even though you have been apart for 6 months there is a lot of reprogramming yet to be done.

Plus there is a well known phenomenon (on the EA thread anyway) of the 6 month dip when the freedom begins to be taken for granted and the "good bits" of a relationship to be missed even more.

The guilt is his...give it back to him. you are an amazing Mum, friend, woman, if he had kept his part of the bargain i bet you would have been an amazing wife.

If you can, remove any sort of reliance on him that you can (as you have done so well with finances) because he will always use these to pull you down.

And BTW you were the victim....but not any more...he can rewrite history anyway he likes but it won't make it true.

here's to you , the divorce fund, and freedom!

Good god he's a nasty piece of work!

He just wants to control you. That's all it is. The sooner you get the hell away from him the better.

Thank you xxx

I'm calming down now, I've taken myself off to bed, he's till not home which is the norm.

I can't wait for this to be over...!

XxX

How did you manage to agree how much he should pay, given that you're still living together? It must be quite hard to sleep well knowing he's in the house.... How far off is the day you can leave?

I didn't agree, he told me he would pay the mortgage and some of the bills, and I had to pay for our DS, school lunches, after school clubs, weekly shopping, car tax and insurance, and diesel for the car, plus a contribution towards bills.

Nothing else financial has been split but we are using our own bank accounts now.

We are both on te mortgage and my solicitor advised I shouldn't leave the property but instead file for divorce hilts we are living together (he won't leave).

I am psyching myself up to do this because I know once I do all hell will break loose.

He has slept on the sofa for a year so I don't have to share a bed with him thank god. It's horrible living like this but I feel pretty emotionally detached from him now. I just won't it over.