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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help rescuing my relationship.

5 replies

Blueb3ll3 · 04/02/2013 05:34

I don't know where to start.

I'm in a lesbian relationship and have been with my SO for 7 years.

Last year I started flirting with man at work, I then started texting him and sending him messages on Facebook. I did also consider sleeping with him. I stopped messaging him before Xmas.

My SO has now found out. This would have all been ok, had I not got drunk on Saturday night and sent him some text messages again.

I seriously have no idea why I did that.

I actually think she will leave now.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/02/2013 08:40

There are many reasons for flirting and thinking about sleeping with others. Boredom, lack of excitement/thrills in life, curiosity, a response to flattery, a search for affection, wanting to get back at a partner.... all kinds of reeasons. If you text him when your inhibitions are down (drunk) there's a certain recklessness about it.... 'forbidden fruit'. There are still more reasons for being so overt about it that you get found out. Were you hoping your partner would be shocked into action? Would it be the end of the world if you split up... or has the relationship run its course and this is an easy way out?

scaevola · 04/02/2013 08:52

I think it's important for you to work out why you did this (individual counselling?) as in fairness to your SO you need to work out where you are in that relationship and if it has run its course.

To stay with a partner after an emotional affair takes courage, and your SO is likely to be devastated that your actions show you did not value your second chance. Only you can work out if you are truly committed to her.

If she leaves you, it will take a huge effort from you to win her back, and total contrition and work on yourself to understand why (so it can be prevented) are fundamental to that. If you are not sure, or are unwilling to examine your motivations closely, then it would be wrong to attempt to string her along.

Original poster
Blueb3ll3 · 04/02/2013 10:37

Thank you for your words. In the uk where would I start to get counselling?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueb3ll3 · 04/02/2013 10:53

It really would be the end of the world if we split up, this is why I don't understand why I did it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueb3ll3 · 04/02/2013 12:46

She says she can't understand why I would go to counselling, why can't I just talk to her instead.

OP posts:
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