just cant seem to get over this reltionship

[cappuccinodays]

OK, so i have just tortured myself by finding a pic of my recent ex from yesterday looking fine..
I ended the relationship, I felt smothered, controlled and lost confidence. He begged and begged to get back and I went back a few times and let the relationship continue, although not official. Now he has gone, I just cant seem to accept it is over, even though I made the decision and knew I couldnt commit. I have kept very busy, but perhaps as a distraction and way of coping, I havent been able to face my own hurt and pain. Is this just the beginning of coming to terms with it? I have been through a divorce and coped just fine, why has this hit me so hard? Not sure what i am looking for, I just want to feel better. I feel like i will never trust again

It must feel really confusing now because you knew the relationship wasn't right but you have lost your confidence and been controlled by him. It can leave you feeling really crap.

I know Im not explaining it well but i hope you know what i mean.

thanks for replying. I feel utterly utterly crap. Used, an idiot. I have been nearly driven to a breakdown by him. so why the f**k when i see a picture of him do i melt? but almost in a frightened way? so difficult and confusing. I think i love him but how can I? Is it my subconscious saying "danger"...almost like he is forbidden?

Please don't blame yourself for how he treated you. You didn't do what he did to you, he did. It is normal to grief for someone and what may have been and what you wanted it to be. Well done for doing it ! you will think about him a bit less every day, you are not going to forget him overnight. Don't look at the photographs it doesn't tell the story it will bring back the memory of it was ok then because it may have been but it wasn't for you.

Perhaps. I have found that when I've dated people who are really wrong for me I've felt a little bit like you do afterwards. I came to the conclusion that i felt like a failure because i couldn't make it work. Like it should work but it wasn't and i didn't like the idea that i couldn't control that.

There was one bloke that i didn't even fancy and he was an arsehole but i found myself obsessing a bit after it ended. He was yuck i really didn't want him!

Also write down the reasons you don't want to be with him and how he treated you and reread when you're feeling confused about it.

After a controlling relationship your brain can be like mush.