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Relationships

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Original poster

I'm a harlot...apparently

21 replies

milkandribena · 01/02/2013 23:10

I'm not really sure why I am posting this here. Guess I need to vent and some advice if there is any to give would be... I don't know.

Me and BF were told this from one of his brothers and then a sister as well. They have no reason to make it up at (his brother especially is his best friend and his sister has been great) but I think they both felt it would be better to tell us.

I should point out I'm 26 weeks pregnant, It was a complete surprise and me and BF had not been dating long at all when I got pregnant. And though we are in a relationship we are taking it slowly because we are finding our feet with each other at the same time as expecting a DC. I met most of his family for the first time over christmas - I have only met them once (with the exception of the brother mentioned above) and they seemed nice and were pleasant to me. Not flinging the gates open for me but nice enough

I'm a harlot, a slut, a hussy, a gold-digger and a Jezebel.
I'm out to 'snare' BF.
He is only tolerating me because of the baby - which isn't even his
I will just take him for all his money and then disappear with the baby (I guess that only matters if the baby is his)
He shouldn't trust me because I can speak another language and want the DC to be able to speak it as well.
My family are scum and 'fake-catholics' (not sure how that works)
I am controlling and am walking all over him
I let strange men move in with me in exchange for sex (I guess this is because one of my kid brothers has just moved in with me)

I have no idea if there is more but BF got his siblings to stop at that point.
This all came from a number of his aunts and cousins and his grandmother. At a family party where his parents and a few other siblings were also sat around and 'agreed' with what they were saying - though it didn't sound like they said the words.

BF obviously was fuming as was I.
But I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Lovingfreedom · 01/02/2013 23:24

Family sounds awful. What a nasty bunch. Is your partner an ok bloke? Is he happy and supportive about the pregnancy?

bestsonever · 01/02/2013 23:29

Sometimes there can be too much said. I wonder why they felt that honesty was the best policy here as clearly news like that would be hurtful to anyone.
I can only say what way I think I would hope to play it. That is to rise above it, get on with having your own life, with your BF hopefully. What matters is the truth that you and your BF know to be.

Original poster

milkandribena · 01/02/2013 23:32

From BF this is completely out of character for his family and I didn't get a whiff of it when I met them and they hadn't said anything similar to him privately (have obviously warned him to take his time and things and make sure he is down of the b/c - which I and he completely understand why they would be worried about that, that's juts families) but this..
loving yes and yes - he's great

OP posts:

fallenangle · 01/02/2013 23:35

My ambition is to be a harlot. Well done you.
Don't worry too much about his assorted relatives. If we took much notice of our DP's relatives opinions of us many of us would probably spontaniously combust.

izzyizin · 01/02/2013 23:50

Gosh, a 'harlot'! How biblical exotic is that? Do you have another db who can also move in with you, paint your low enegy bulbs red, drape your home with swathes of net, and adorn the walls with icons of the Madonna so you can shock their little cotton socks off live up to your image ?

Hypocrites like your bf's family members seriously piss me off. They'll be nice as pie to your face, but behind your back it's night of the long knives and you're best advised to get used to the fact that it always will be because, now they've tagged you, they'll still be voicing their poisonous words when you and your bf are celebrating your golden wedding.

There's a saying on this board which has it that 'when a man tells you who he is, listen to him'. These people have revealed that they are ignorant bigoted twats - dont listen to them and, above all, don't go down the road of knocking yourself out to prove they're wrong about you.

Lovingfreedom · 01/02/2013 23:56

Yeah....well family have ground to make up if they want a relationship with you and your child on future. I don't agree about the speaking the truth comment....the language does not represent honesty....it's offensive. I'd spend as little time with them as possible.

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 00:06

This all came from a number of his aunts and cousins and his grandmother. At a family party where his parents and a few other siblings were also sat around and 'agreed' with what they were saying - though it didn't sound like they said the words.

It doesn't matter where it came from. What this shows is they're all as bad as each other; spineless little sheep with no thoughts to call their own and no will or ability to voice anything that may dissent from the majority view.

Original poster

milkandribena · 02/02/2013 12:08

thankfully loving they are still back home (for both of us) and not in the uk so to see them we would have to properly visit.

well at least they have a good vocabulary izzy and I do actually.

Thanks - I know in part that you are all right, just ignore it. But BF is really upset and I don't know we just never expected it and it is their grandchild, or cousin or nephew/niece. To think that they think about me and then about a baby who hasn't even been born yet.

OP posts:

DeckSwabber · 02/02/2013 12:17

I can't think of a single good reason for a member of his family to tell you this.

Is there are cultural reason why the relationship is causing concern? Do the family want your partner to marry someone else?

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 12:40

It seems to me that your BF should nip this in the bud by sayin words to the effect that if anyone has any untoward thoughts about his relationship with you they can keep them to themselves and if he gets to hear otherwise, he'll cut them dead.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/02/2013 17:00

Basically these people sound like primitive, ignorant peasants from a woman-hating culture. The best way to feel towards them is condescension. Poor thick savages! It's amazing that they can cope with flushing toilets, really.

(Oh, and please note, before anyone has 50 fits and starts wailing about racism, I have no idea what country/culture this family may belong to. Sadly there are still quite a lot of primitive, woman-hating cultures all over the world and across ethnic groupings.)

lemonstartree · 02/02/2013 17:22

I am a STRUMPET me; i live IN SIN ... FFS would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Ignore !

McBalls · 02/02/2013 17:33

I wouldn't be so quick to assume the brother and sister are on your side, there was absolutely no need for this to be passed on...what on earth are you supposed to do with this info? Theres no way your knowledge of what was (allegedly) said about you will help smooth the way for improved relations in the future.

McBalls · 02/02/2013 17:34

And even if it wasn't disingenuousness on their part, then at best it shows them up as immature, drama-loving fuckwits.

cheesesarnie · 02/02/2013 17:34

haven't read whole thing but wanted to say- me too! according to bastard x's family. i'm a happy harlot though.

HollyBerryBush · 02/02/2013 18:05

Are his family very old? I mean seriously in their dotage?

Friends son and GF were expecting, and had to tell granny. Not a prospect the pair of them relished. She took one look at the pair of them and said 'Well, is she a whore or are you a rapist?"

Old fashioned values die hard I'm afraid. Now a days no one would bat an eye lid, but they did still judge, harshly, 20 years ago.

Original poster

milkandribena · 02/02/2013 19:08

Deck and SGB :) ignorant yes, peasants? they make my family look like slugs Cultural? no. nothing so exotic, we are both irish. His family are a lot more old school catholic (i don't even think they liked vatican 2) where as mine are, 'we love gay people and condoms' sort of catholic. I will say that I think there is a bit of a class thing? he comes from a not posh but well-to-do(?) connected, have a bit of land but not the money sort. I'm strictly a council house-y family.

holly no not really, his granny yes but not the others. I do guess it is just old fashioned but doesn't make it easier. I could put it down to religion but then my family (priest uncle included who is insisting on doing the christening) are for us.

McBalls They didn't want us not to know what some people actually thought - I get why, and we both don't think for a second they aren't supporting us (the one brother and sister) nor do we think any of the other siblings who weren't there think that either. I do believe they told us with the best intentions

izzy I'll pass that one onto him.

I'm feeling better about it today (sometimes DBros are wonderful) but I know that BF will spend ages thinking about what he wants to and it has hit him harder - I'll just take a back seat from it i guess - his family after all

OP posts:

BerylStreep · 02/02/2013 20:33

'we love gay people and condoms' - given that you are 26 weeks pregnant, I take it you meant this with a sense of irony !

F the lot of them. Honestly, some people when they come out with this vile stuff just show that they judge others by own standards. I had a vindictive bat of a neighbour who told everyone that I was a prostitute and an older man had bought my house for me. I was annoyed, but saw that the old hag was incapable of seeing life in any other way but through her narrow minded lens. I was pleased when I heard she had died.

I agree, I don't think there was any benefit in either of you being told about this, and I would suggest that your bf speaks to his DB, and possibly his parents, and say he doesn't want to hear any more of this bile.

PS - am in Ireland too.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/02/2013 20:39

Milky you sound lovely, switched on, down to earth.

Stupid family of his. They're lucky to have you.

Congrats on the pregnancy.

ZZZenAgain · 02/02/2013 20:43

perhaps your BF could tell his parents that it has come to his ears, that you and he are understandably very hurt and upset about this and that he needsthem to know that this relationship is important to him and he is standing by you and his baby. He would hope that his child and the mother of his child are made welcome by his family because otherwise family relationships are going to be extremely strained and everyone and especially the baby would suffer from that.

If it is because you are not married, time will prove them wrong. I am sorry you heard all this ugly stuff but people will let their tongues run away with them and had you been there, maybe there words would not only have been different but also their thoughts. You know when someone is not there in front of you, it is easy to paint them in some one dimensional manner and write them off but if you have the flesh and blood person in front of you, it is usually a bit different, isn't it? If your relationship holds out, it is time on your side and they will change their tune with time. I would keep my distance to the ones who have been very nasty, just out of self preservation really. When you have to see them, say little to them but be polite, then no one can fault you. Families can be very difficult. Lucky for you that you are not in the same country!

Original poster

milkandribena · 02/02/2013 21:05

we did try beryl mr pope was obviously watching

Way to make the pregnant lady cry hearts :)

righto zzz he does know he will need to talk to them but by his own omission needs to calm down first. I guess you are right about different when someone is there.

OP posts:

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