Moving the in-laws in/ in with the inlaws..........experiences please!

[bouncysmiley]

DP grew up in a multi-generational household, and I thought it was a lovely idea. I have always assumed that we would have one or other sets of parents living with us at some stage because I wouldn't see them in an old folks home. It is more likley to be DP's parents (who I love to bits) than mine (who I also love to bits but are far too independent!). What's it actually like though? Any pointers?

TBH, I couldn't think of anything worse!

Op..... Why?

really bad idea.

Sounds horrendous.

That would be my worst nightmare.

I've done it. Don't do it.

::shudders at memory::

I get on with mine and it was still horrendous. Not enough kitchens or bathrooms.

I lived with my mum for 32 years and although we are very close I'm sure it contributed to two of my long term relationship breakdowns.

It's very ddifficult for two adult women (or men) to live together where both are head of house / parents.

It also used to drive me mad that people wouldassume that we lived with my mum rather than the other way around.

She lives alone now.

Don't do it.

Don't do it! My parents moved from 2.5 hours away to 2.5 miles away. My Dad is no longer with us so my mum is now alone in sheltered housing. She's also disabled and seems to have become entrenched in the mind set that only we can help her do anything or go anywhere and won't entertain anything she might be able to do herself to form a life and meet other people (day centres, coffee mornings etc.). It has put a serious strain on our relationship and also my mental health. There have been times when I've honestly felt like walking away from everything. I guess what I'm saying is be prepared for how the people you know now might change once you're all in close confines!

Utter nightmare. Apart from giving up your home to them, they have to give up their independence also.

I'm sure this wont be a surprise but old people can be......a little grumpy on occasion.

There is a reason why multi generational housing died a death.

Does your dp think it's a lovely idea, since he grew up in a multi generational household?

My DH grew up with his parents, grandmother and great grandmother. That's not something he wants to relive.

I can't think of anything worse than living either with my mum or my ILs. Short trips are fraught enough.

I think it friends how well you get in with them and how planned it its in teems of the property you choose and the ground rules you set. Id never consider it for my own parents but could live with my in laws in a heart beat!

If my parents ever become dependent I fully intend to move them in with us if that is their wish. I know several familes who have made this work, although I appreciate it wouldn't be for everyone.

This was something we faced recently with my Mum who has been unwell and is in the process of being diagnosed with Dementia. I posted in here and everyone said don't do it.

Can't even begin to tell you how pleased I didn't . The only thing that has kept me sane in all this is coming home to my home. Originally I was of the I don't want to see her in a home frame of mind but I know now eventually she will go into one, I won't be able to meet her needs forever even with a SS care package.

I spent the whole day washing yesterday, 4 loads, lots covered in urine. Another load today though some bits are so bad they will go in the bin. I had the OT on the phone, today I have someone coming to help with an Attendence allowance claim, I need to buy new cushions, sort out referral to Continence Advisory Service. Need to deal with the fact she can't reliably cope with taking meds but no idea how to deal with that as she'll hit the roof. Get Power of Attorney registered. Order some more delivered meals to see if she likes thm and find where the bill went for the last lot.

Monday I was in the doctors as had been waking in the early hours shaking nd with a racing heart. It was on,y then sitting in the waiting room I realised I had a UTI and as soon as he looked at me he took my temperature which was high. DD started a new school in Sept, settled well but has had two detentions in two weeks for not handing in homework as I took the eye off the ball. I found DH sitting on the stairs head in hands after a call from his sister to says he was worried about their Dad who lives abroad and is 87. After my Mum the idea if another needing care just about finished him off and he is really lovely and caring, just close to breaking point.

Two months ago I had a life and a job. Mum had cellulitis but was doing Ok. Now I haven't been able to work, I've lost my life and I've lost the Mum I know for most of the time. I really think I didn't have my own house I would have a breakdown . That's a long winded way of saying don't do it !

Bouncy

Clearly you have never lived in a three generation household to be holding such ideas in the first place. Think you are idealising what could turn out to be something that could too easily come back to bite you, you need to take the rose tinted specs off and talk to your man about this idea. His opinion could be very different to yours.

Everyone needs their own personal space along with ground rules stating how everyone will contribute to the running of such a household. There are two generations within my own family who are living under the same roof and its not working out at all well.

My father grew up living with his parents and grandparents. From a very early age I can remember him saying that he would never inflict it on his children. My grandparents moved into a home when living on their own got too much for them. My step grandmother (my grandmother died when I was very small so this lady has been in my life for many many years) has recently been moved to a more specialist home due to dementia now my grandfather has passed away. My parents still visit her, even though there is no blood relationship.
When my parents are older, I won't be able to have them living with me (even though I know that is not what they would want) as I now live on the opposite side of the world. And I think either me or MIL would emerge alive if I had to live with her!

If you are very serious about it, I think you would need to think about having personal spaces (such as separate kitchens, bathrooms, living rooms) that separate generations use so that there was privacy, and space to get away from each other. Consider how to split bills, if you eat separately, etc. I don thnk it is something to get into without a lot of thought and agreements beforehand.

Never going to happen in this house.

I love my parents very much but we would all want to kill each other within a week. I have never heard anyone who actually did it say that it was a good experience. They all say "never again".