Genuinly stumped as to what to think / say - advice please

[goodgriefisay]

Have any of you been with or are with a partner who is rather un-communicative with you? Someone who generally buries their head in the sand to avoid confrontation in hopes that it will just magically dissapear?
How do you cope with this type of character because i am struggling. DH has been this way since we started dating 4 years ago. He openly said once that he doesnt like to bring up problems / issues (be it my end or his) in hopes that they will just sort themselves out. Well, for me, i find this hard!

Dont people see that if niggles / problems are just left alone, they then can potentially blow up into something big? Or potentially push either partner towards someone else? (im not wanting to be with anyone else AT ALL, im merely just trying to paint the picture)

So i guess im asking, how do you cope with a P who is this un-communicative?

Thank you

Personally, Relate...

Indeed. i have never been before so not sure what to expect. I guess they explain best ways on cummincating?

Can you give an example or two of issues you've wanted to confront him about and way in which his uncommunicaativeness has caused situations where it has 'potentially blown up into something big'?

My DH can be rubbish with face to face conversations but really open on the phone/texting.

I have had to work with this severe personality flaw quirk of his and will have any big conversations on phone or text whilst he is at work. It's not ideal but I figure its a step in getting him to communicate more openly with me.

Would that be an option with your DH?

Red - that may work. We tend to talk lovely and well over text.

Izzy - an example is when i found something his mother had said to my mother whilst i was walking up the aisle at my wedding (trust me it wasnt good), so i spoke with him calmly but he totally buried his head. Ok ok, i can understand with it being his mum and all but come on, man up! DH is in his 40s and im a fair bit younger than him yet i seem to behave more adult.

Another example is when i feel he has hurt my feelings by not sticking up for me in a situation, say, around his friends, which he clearly knows is not right. But again, buries his head.

Or when i mention that it would be nice to have date nights which he shurgs off saying he takes me on nice holidays (id like to add i pay my way and yes we have holidays but still, date nights are good right?). Its a way of keeping things alive as if its overlooked, relationships can enter dangerous areas.

I cant spell it out anymore than actually saying that relationships can enter dangerous areas if not maintained.

BTW - we do really love eachother but i find this lack of communication and lack of emotional intelligence can effectively break us apart.

If he's been like this from the outset, I think it's a pretty vain hope that he's ever going to change. Go into marriage with someone expecting to be able to fine-tune their personality is always a hiding to nothing.

My dp is hard work on the communication area too. Its caused more problems since our two dc came along. He responds much better to texting- seems to open up more when writing it down. Not ideal and drives me bonkers but it is what it is.

I think you may have to find another way to get what you want... even if you have to be a bit blunt and obvious. Texting is good...

'I'd love to go out on Friday. Let's try somewhere new. You choose. Surprise me!'

I used to have the same issue with date nights, DH doesn't see them as important, whereas I work from home and really need to get out more.

I switched things around - instead of getting his ok first, I organise it all - book a table/tickets/whatever and get a babysitter in.

Then I text him to keep that date free (usually same evening) and tell him what time we need to leave, but not where we are going.

He quite enjoys the fun of that especially if we are doing something different.

Try it!

This could be my dh... I do what others have suggested here. If I want a date night, I book it and tell him we're going.

More serious issues are normally discussed over text as its the only way we can communicate without it getting emotive and out if hand, it also stops him shrugging his shoulders and walking off