Please can I have some honest advice here,its a long one I'm afraid but I just need to say it to clear my head!
I've maybe stupidly gone back to my dp i missed him very much blah blah blah !
We decided on a break as the arguments were just getting to frequent and I just can't clear my head of the insecurities I felt.
I just can't seem to shift these insecurities no matter what I do.
Its stems from the beginning of the relationship ( 2 yrs now) . When we first got together I knew he had a close friendship with another women who he , ran with, did sports ,cups of tea with etc - I didnt have a problem with this as I knew her enough before being with him to speak to to say hello when I saw her out etc and I thought she was okay.
The problems came when it got to 6months or so in to our relationship and he
hadn't told her we were together, I'd see him with her running or walking and he wouldn't aknowledge me or if he sometimes did he would be so awkward and not himself.
We went on holiday she called him once and he didnt answer she kept on trying and trying about 10 times , he would take his phone to the bathroom to text and it just felt horrible.
I then made a bit of a fuss and said I wanted him to tell her we were together.
I bumped into the evening in which he had told her when they were running together and she was really off with me, and has been ever since.This then was the conformation I needed that it felt wrong and there friendship was bit too intense.
I told him about her not being off with me, she even went out of her way to bump into me to give a cd of his!?
I know there was nothing going on, I do truly believe that she liked him but on his part he was single for quite a few yrs and just wanted a running/sports partner and bit of companionship.
The message carried on between them , but secretly this time, and I made a stand that I wasn't comfortable with this and it has all stopped now after she sent him one saying she thought he looked sexy ( which I have to admit I did look at his phone) so I made him call her ( or I was going to- I was so fed up ) and he said to her "don't send me message like that now she thinks we're having an affair" and he says she hasnt text him since.
My ongoing fears is that he behaved in my opinion badly, and I really struggle now if he gets a text come through , my heart sinks and I feel sick.
When we go away I check to see if he's taken his phone to the bathroom with him.
Maybe even if its not her anymore in touch I'm now fearing others too!!
He still goes running 3/4 times a week from the same place as she does - even though he could change places but he says he feels trapped if I say I'd prefer im not to go there.
This has been our only issue all through the relationship and the cause of so many arguements, every week I want to settle and I just can't, am I being a complete idiot and should have left long ago?
Thanks for listening its been a long one :)